A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, Ok my problem is that i have a friend. She is one of the nicest people when she is sober but drinks wayyyy too much and goes crazy, sometimes its funny she doesnt do anything bad just dances and things like that but recently it has taken a bad turn. A week or so ago she was really drunk and started saying that there were rumours about me and she had heard them, she also started saying that my boyfriend is texting another girl? She has said crazy crap like that in the past when she was drunk, like she was raped? that there was rumours about me and a really really old man. these turned out to be false and she just kinda denied them and brushed them off the next day when me and my other friends brought them up.Anyway i dont really believe her about the rumours and if they are true why did she say them to me when she was so drunk and not making any sense. My boyfriend and me are so close and i dont believe what she says about him how would she even know? Anyway that night she also went psycho on me and started screaming at me in the street like a lunatic. I just went home. when i confronted her the next day all she said was "dont blame me if you get let down by a guy".Is she just making me paranoid, my other friends and family think this as she has said things like this in the past. They said she is using the rumours thing as a defence for her behaviour. Its like she knows my weaknesses and threw them in my face. If she had heard rumours why wouldnt she say it to me straight out when sober and told me who had said them. Instead shes being so vague and it doesnt make sense. I dont know what to do. And now im worried shes going to spread rumours about me or somthing like that?? Any thoughts? Im a really sensitive person and this is upsetting me so so much. Any advice would be much appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI did ask hwe "what the hell she was on about" the next day when she was sober and she said "look its not my fault, dont blame me, someone told me okay i cant reveal my sources", but she has done this to me before when she told me there were rumours about me and an older man , she said then "look i cant control what people say i cant tell you who told me" and this turned out to be completely false.there was no rumours about me.think she is messing with my head. I really dont feel like i deserve this i think ive been a good friend to her but this is gone too far now.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (22 July 2008):
 I'm with oldersister on this one. If you are indeed worried about your boyfriend, it's a good idea to have a talk with him. If she cannot give you specific details when she's sober, then maybe she's just playing out a jealousy thing. Either way, she is not being a friend to you. If she knows something that you need to know, then she should be able to tell you when she's sober. If she's just ranting while drunk, she obviously has a problem. Don't make it yours if it's not necessary.
I do wish you luck on this one. Sometimes you just have to let someone go in cases like this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do trust him i think she has tries to cause trouble and make me paranoid. i have told him everything and he was just as shocked as me so i dont believe it. Its just hard to know that someone who knows everything about you and knows your weaknesses would throw something like that in your face.. Me and him broke up for a while but we quickly reconciled so maybe she is using that...she knows everything that happened and it makes me sick to think that she would use that as ammunition against me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everybody for your feedback.It has all helped me see that im not the only person who has had a problem like this. Anyway to big sister - the reason she is still in my life is that we have known each other a long time, since we were children and we are both 20 now. I know that i should have taken steps a while ago to back off from her but i found it hard considering our history if that makes sense?after this last incident(i havent spoken to her since i confronted her about it) has finaly made me realize that i need to cut her out until she realizes she has a problem. The lies she told me when she was drinking were so hurtful. And she defended her behaviour the next day by saying that it was my fault she went crazy at me because i told her i didnt believe her litle rumours and she then said "dont blame me for whats said about you" however she would not say who had said these "rumours".She was very vague about that which makes me think it was all a lie and she is using it to cover her behaviour. Does anybody have an opinion on this? Does anybody actually think that she might have been telling the truth?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 July 2008):
I had a very good friend who drank to much too, she wouldn't acknowledge that had a problem. Her behavior while drunk finally led to me ending the close friendship. It would so upset me that I went to an Al-Anon meeting, where I learned that it was HER problem, and not mine, to fix. And if she chose not to fix it, there wasn't much I could do about it.
You don't need to put up with this. Tell her when she's sober that you do not want to be with her when she's drinking, and that you do not want her to talk about you when she is drunk. Then stick to it. If she doesn't seek help or shape up, end the friendship. It's hard to do, I know, but you have to do what is healthy for you.
Good luck, and I hope she gets the message.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 July 2008):
 Your friend has a drinking problem. When a person's personality changes drastically after consuming alcohol that's a red flag for alcoholism. She probably makes this crap up and can barely remember it the next day. She won't tell you all this crap when she is sober because she's in her right mind and doesn't see the need to lie. Of course there is very little you can do about her problem, she's the only one who can address it. Just stay away from her when she is drinking and she most likely will set her drunken sites on some other victim.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (22 July 2008):
Some people just turn nasty when they are drunk.
2 people I know had exactly the same problem. 1 would get really emotional and tell girls he loved them and was going to kill himself, another would get aggressive and start fights over nothing.
Both of them stopped being invited out, as people only wanted to see them when they were sober. And it was at this point when they lost friends over it that they decided to go t-total and never drink again.
Both now go out and have a great time without touching a drop and are living happily ever after.
Hopefully once she stops being invited out with you she'll get the message that people don't like her when she drinks and cut down.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (22 July 2008):
 Have you tried talking to her when she is sobber? maybe you could get a better idea of why she is saying all this stuff. The thing is if you dont believe her then thats your choice, but why on earth are you still mates with her?
A true friend would not tell you personel stuff when drink is involved. She would talk to you and tell you her fears in a manner that you wouldnt get upset with.
It could be just that she is jelous of you and your relationship, and is trying to split you up or cause a row.
Either way, she is not a good friend to you.
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