A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my fiance' for 2 years now. We got engaged this past November. When we met, we lived about 3 hours apart. We did the long distance relationship for 1 year, and then I moved in with him. We got engaged a few months later. Recently, he left his phone at home one morning. Naturally, I was curious and looked at his text messages since we had one situation in the past where he was texting another woman. In his sent items I found 2 different nude pictures of him that he had sent to his e-mail address. Obviously, the first thing that came to mind was that he was sending them to other women by e-mail. I kept quiet about it because we were visiting my parents that weekend. When I brought it up to him, he said he was going to send them to me blah blah blah.. I knew he was lying and I told him that I needed him to be honest. So, he told me that he was going to send the first one to a guy and DID send the second one to a guy. Obviously, I was speechless! Then, he proceeded to tell me that he had curiosity's about being with another man. He also said that he had experimented about 16 years ago, which leads me to believe he's probably done it again. He apparently gets onto websites to watch gay porn and even talks to gay men in gay chat rooms. Our wedding is 90 days away! We've done all of the planning. We have a great relationship and really awesome sex... I wish I could find someone out there who has experienced this type of situation. I can't talk to anyone about it because I don't want them to look at him differently. Please help. I don't know what to think. Is he gay? Am I wasting my time by marrying him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2008): Hi,
When I read your story, I realized that this could well be me down the line. I am currently dating a man who I also suspect to be gay, and like you, I have fallen in love with him. However, I am in college and not getting married any time soon.
From my situation, we had an amazing relationship, but when I caught him texting this guy, I cut it off with him. It was incredibly hard and painful, and it will take you a while to regain yourself. However, even though you don't realize it now because all you can think about is him and how perfect he is, you will find someone else who loves only you and not a bunch of guys, too. You deserve better.
A
female
reader, aunty chrissie  +, writes (12 June 2008):
 wow what a situation, im sorry firstly because im not in the same situation, so dont know what you are going through. but even someone who is going through the same thing wont know what you are going through because we are all different and have different views on things. your fiance could be bi-sexual, lets suppose he is, well thats fine lots of people are, BUT can you put up with him sleeping with men too, or even just chatting on the net to other gays, because going into a marriage when you know hes definatly interested in men you have to expect him to , if he isnt bi and its a cover up to say prevent his family or friends from knowing the truth then it will never work. either way, it needs sorting before a wedding day because i sincerely feel you will be the one to get hurt marriage is supposed to be for life, till death us do part but cant always be i know, but you are going into it knowing, ask yourself do you want him to yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): Infidelity is infidelity, no matter whether with the same or opposite sex. Oops, I see that Tisha-1 just said the same thing.
Believe me, it would be best to at least postpone the wedding for another year until you settle this out. Divorces take even more time and cost more money.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 June 2008):
 Sending nude pictures of himself to anyone, male or female, is a big red flag in my opinion. Unless you'd discussed this already and were okay with it, it seems that he's been hiding a big part of himself from you.
I'd be very concerned too if I were in your shoes. There are a couple of websites I've seen posted here that might help you more specifically. They are www.straightspouse.org and www.voy.com/86426/.
I think you're correct to be concerned and you do have your own health to consider. If he is sexually active outside your relationship, then he is exposing you to the risk of STDs. Cheating is cheating, whether it's with a male or female partner.
Hard as it might be to do, you might consider putting the wedding on hold until your concerns are answered. You can tell people that you're getting cold feet, you don't need to tell them what's happening.
Take care.
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