A
female
age
26-29,
*akklina83
writes:Me and my ex were together for 1 year and a bit. It was good for the majority of the time but recently he started acting up. About a few months ago he wasn’t giving me the effort I deserved and only recently he broke it off with me about a month ago. He was saying how he wouldn’t get into another relationship and would focus on himself but now I’m seeing he’s with another girl. He’s doing the exact same things he did with me when we got together. Took her on their first date to the same place he took me. What does that mean?Is he fully really over me when it’s only been a month
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 September 2018):
 It sounds like he checked out off this relationship before you did. You might only be broke up a month but it sounds like he was already beginning to think the relationship was over before that he just wasn't sure how to tell you. I think you need to accept that he has moved on and try and work on you getting over him. Stop checking up on him and where he is taking this other girl its not going to help you in the long run.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2018): It's listed above your post that you are around 18-21. Guys just don't get as emotionally-enthralled and wrapped-up in relationships at that age as young ladies do. We tend to be far less mature than females at your age; and just don't take relationships so deeply and seriously.
We can feel and we love; but only as far as our emotional-development will allow us to.
Teenage-relationships are practice-relationships. You're just past puberty; and learning or discovering something about your feelings and emotions. Discovering sex. Guys take a little longer to attach their feelings, and sometimes get-over relationships a little faster. Not because they're bad or heartless; but because when you're very young and immature, you shouldn't be in very intense lengthy-relationships. Nature wired us differently.
You should be focusing on an education, socializing, making friends, and preparing for your future. Dating different people, to determine what kind of guy is your best match. Exploring a variety of personality-types, for a good-fit; and to discern what types to avoid.
People all think differently. Males and females think differently. So we react or respond to our emotions in different ways.
He hasn't completely gotten over you, he's more eager to move on. You weren't married! At your age, it's better for you to meet and date different boys. You need to learn more about maintaining relationships. Developing the maturity to know when you should move on; and you need to experience your independence. You don't need to worry about him anymore. It's over. Whether he's over you isn't the important thing to worry about. You need to get over him!
It's not a foot-race to see who gets over who first. Emotions aren't stuck together or connected to work collectively like the "Borg." (Star Trek reference, Google it.) Each person processes their feelings and lets-go when their mind is ready to do it.
You can't always go by what you see on the surface. People can hide what they really feel. Focus on yourself and have some fun. You're too young to let one stupid guy take you down. Just be careful not to get yourself into some kind of rebound-relationship to prove anything. If he's with somebody already, it's just a rebound. He just wants to make you jealous. Don't give him the satisfaction.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (17 September 2018):
 He may be so shallow that he really IS over you. Maybe he is taking out other girls to help him get over you.
The question is, why does it matter to you? Your relationship is over.
All he is proving by taking girls to the same place on a first date is that he lacks imagination (or money if the place is cheap).
You are never going to get over him if you insist on keeping tabs on him. He's your past. Look to the future.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (17 September 2018):
 Maybe, maybe not. The question is, does it matter? Not really.
You should be concentrating on your own healing process, not his. Some people get over relationships quickly whereas it can take others months or years. You can’t hold it against him if he’s someone that moves on fast, should he have to sit in his bedroom crying over you? Of course not, people deal with grief and hurt in different ways.
It would of been insensitive of him to tell you that he was going to jump into dating straight away so It makes sense that he said he wouldn’t be dating. He did it to spare your feelings more than anything, so I wouldn’t read too much into that as if he’s trying to be spiteful. Maybe she’s a rebound? Maybe he will marry her one day? Who knows and who cares? Concentrate on YOURSELF.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 September 2018):
 People move on in different speeds, OP.
What does it mean that he is taking her on dates where he took you?
That he KNOWS it worked with you, so maybe it will with her too.
Him saying he would focus on himself and not another relationship was to PLACATE you. To make you feel better about the break up. Or he actually meant it until he got lonely or met this new girl. Regardless, it doesn't matter - he was SINGLE after the break up and can DO what he wants, date whom he wants, etc. He doesn't OWE you to go sit on a shelf.
He wasn't a great BF, he didn't give the effort for the relationship to work, so LOOK at the bright side - you are now "free" to find someone who DOES want to give the effort.
Is he fully over you? Maybe not, but again, OP it doesn't matter. He is not longer YOUR BF, no longer yours to worry about. Sure, it doesn't feel good to be "replaced" but you can't really expect him to stay single forever after breaking up with you. Just like YOU don't have to stay single any longer than you wish to.
Maybe him jumping into a new relationship is his way of dealing with the break up. A rebound, so to speak or... this is how HE plans on moving on.
Life do go on.
If you are seeing him on social media then you need to block access to HIS/HER social media. It will do you no good to check up on him. If you see him out and about, then I'd suggest you act civil if you HAVE to interact with him otherwise IGNORE him.
Instead of all this energy you are using on wondering what he is doing and why... USE that to move on.
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