A
female
age
,
*utterfly2
writes:My boyfriend of six years has cheated on me once. He said it lasted for about a year, was purely physical, and ended around August last year. Last December I noticed he seemed distant, he was on his laptop a lot. I felt our relationship and friendship suffering. I looked on our desk computer in the files and found him posing in pictures. My heart was pounding. I just blew up and said if you have had an affair, you better tell me now, not even knowing weather he had or not, because I was angry. He admitted to it. Things were rough for a while, but we were trying to work through it. Still not satisfied, I looked into the files some more only to find hundreds of pictures of women from around the world, in the history I read chats between him and other women that weren't nasty, but disturbed me because he spoke of their beauty, how their picture made his heart skip a beat, how he thought about them all night, loved their laughter, etc. I found all this on what I thought was an innocent game site. He calls me every day from work, but was asking them to call him at work. Their phone numbers were on his phone. He was having "emotional affairs" with I don't know how many women. I knew he was a big flirt, but I always thought it to be harmless, and I never minded because he said he would never cheat on me, would love me forever, and I was the one. Then s**t hit the fan when I went through all the files and found a video he made with the women he had an affair with. He erased it all from the computer, took all the phone numbers out of his phone, isn't on the computer much, he is being attentive, loving, buying me gifts, planning trips, saying he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He says he will never cheat again. Seems almost too good to be true. Finally, here is my question. I do know that he has masturbated, although I've never actually seen him doing it. I find traces of semen in his underwear all the time. He is a supervisor where he works,{out of town}, and his hours fluctuate. I don't know if he is faithful, masturbating, getting dressed, and then having seepage, or he could be having sex, and getting dressed would also cause, it seems, the same result. Am I crazy? Please help!
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female
reader, butterfly2 +, writes (8 April 2009):
butterfly2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionReesey: I do believe that some people can change. I know that men clean up after masturbating, but I've been told that men can have seepage for up to two hours after coming. This is where my question comes in. I am usually asleep when he wakes up at six a.m. to get ready for work. I know he sleeps naked and gets out of his work clothes when he comes home. If we don't go anywhere, he strips completely and puts on lounge pants. I sometime find the traces of semen in his underwear, even though I know he may have masturbated before he got dressed.
A
female
reader, butterfly2 +, writes (8 April 2009):
butterfly2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo male reader anonymous: It is very possible he only cheated once (with one woman), even though, as he says, it lasted a year, which hurts. He said he wished it never happened before I even found out. He said there was no love involved whatsoever. I do feel like he's cheated many times, though, because I look at the phone calls and e-mails as a form of cheating also. As far as letting him, no, I don't feel I did. I found all this out in a short period of time. I forgave him, but made it clear that if he ever cheated on me again in any way shape or form, it was over between us. I think I am pretty attractive. Most people say I look about 30, instead of 47. He says I am the best lover he's ever had and we have sex regularly. He says nothing is missing in our relationship sexually or emotionally. I just talked to him about it. Outside of what happened in our relationship, I love him very much and believe he loves me a lot too. He says he has changed, I want to believe him.
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A
female
reader, Reesey +, writes (8 April 2009):
He will continue to cheat on you, he is cleaning up his act for awhile until everything is calmed down then he will go back to what he does best. It is part of his behavior, the thrill of not getting caught. Also, men that masturbate clean up afterward, it is a story that he is telling you and you believe it. I knew a man once that told his wife that the reason he had condemns was for masturbating, she found out later that it was for other reasons.You have to think of yourself and what you can deal with and is it worth it. A year from now you will be in the same situation, it will be harder for you to catch him because he is on his guard and he watches his moves a lot closer, but he will mess up and he will only confess to what you catch him with.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2009): He cheated many times already. He got away with it; you let him. He knows he can get away with it again. He will do it again.
Are you not satisfying him? Have you let yourself go?
You need to talk to him and find out what is missing in your relationship. SEXUALLY and EMOTIONALLY.
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