A
female
age
41-50,
*ohemiangirl
writes:I have been dating a man for 7 months. We are both in our mid thirties. Our interests and our faults complimented one another, and we got along great. The sexual chemistry is fantastic. We live an hour away from one another, and it was beneficial in that we only saw each other on the weekends and there was no pressure of a heavy relationship. During the week we would talk on the phone regularly, and we would spend the weekends togather. It was ideal for both of us. He was very honest with me upfront about his love of personal freedom and lack of relationship history, but stated he feels he's at a point in his life in which he feels he would like to be in a relationship. We took it slowly, we enjoyed each other's company with no pressure. Naturally, after 5 months of seeing one another things got more serious and one Sunday he told me that he loved me. I told him that I loved him also. The following weekend, he was distant and wouldn't have sex with me. It turned into an argument and he stated that I was moving too fast and that he felt trapped and needed space. He now wants a casual relationship- but one that is monogomous. On Thanksgiving he came into town to spend the day with his parents, and invited me to go with to meet his family. I went, and we had a great, relaxing day. I have backed off on the emotional level, not being so open with my emotiions as I don't want him to feel overwhelmed. We have spent a handful of days and nights together since then, but he won't have sex with me. I asked him if he cheated on me or if he has met someone else and he says "no"- he just wants to slow things down a bit. Our awesome relationship has now turned into a no-sex friendship. It has been 6 weeks since we have had sex. He still calls me everyday, but not when he says he is going to. He has also started finding fault with things he once liked about me. I am so incredibly confused. My insecurity is growing, and I think that is pushing him away even further. My question is this- from a man's point of view- is he done with this relationship and isn't man enough to end it? Or should I just give him space and allow myself to believe he loves me but is working through his own feelings at the moment.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 December 2010):
 He is scared of commitment. It probably scared him to have told you that he loves you, and even scared him more to hear you say it back. For many guys, the words "I love you" are more than just an emotional declaration. Saying them announced a whole new level of commitment.
My thoughts are that he hasn't cheated on you. I think he scared the crap out of himself and is really commitment shy. I'm surprised he even told you that he loves you. I'm guessing that he wasn't planning on it, but it just came out.
Don't be insecure. You caused him to put himself out there in spite of his commitment phobia. These are HIS issues, and no way reflects on you. He's trying now to emotionally distance himself from you with his criticism and physical distance.
It sounds like you have some issues too with heavy relationships, as you liked the idea of only seeing him on the weekends and his distance. Is this true, or are you wanting more, yet realizing that he doesn't want a heavy relationship?
This might be a compatibility issue. If you want a boyfriend who is commitment shy and emotionally distant, then he's the guy for you. If you want someone who is not afraid to open himself to you, this is not your guy.
A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (12 December 2010):
 Sounds like he is on the break up track. Break up with him before he gets the chance to do it first.
My BF read your question, he said he did the same thing to an ex b/c she just wasn't the one.
Protect yourself and you emotions. The man is suppose to be chasing you and wanting a relationship from you. Not the other way around.
Read, "He's just not that into you" and "why men marry bitches".
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