A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi.. Im 25 years old. and i am seeking some answers about my boyfriend.. We have 3 adorable children together. We have been together for 7 years with break ups in between. When we break up, he treats me how i wanted him to treat me, visible to him. When he actually cared. But after like 2 months he goes back being rude and not caring on what i have to say,like now.. We just got back together in Feb 2011. And i dont know why but lately this time is different. He treats me as if I am not even around, what really made me say Ahhh WTF something is not right is how he does not call much anymore(Not normal for him). And then last week, He calls me saying I want to see you so badly, Can you please come and see me,have someone watch the kids.So i do,He sends me a texts mess like i dont know 10 minutes later saying " I been thinking,Ill just come up later to see you" I did call him asking what was up with i want to see you deal. he says"Well i wanna help a friend out" but when he found out i was like 10 mins away he seemed mad and said "Well just come and get me,You and I can do something together for a few minute i guess",It hurt me. It just seemed not him and lately he has been giving excuses after excuses why he can't talk or even meet up with me. Im so confused,lost.. I dont know what to do.. I have talked to him about what he has been doing and told him That it has been hurting me. All he kept on doing was throwing up stuff like" well i am doing stuff for my friends or for someone else" He yelled at me,Calling me a bitch,When all i was doing was asking him why has he been different towards me,Although he did not tell me why,He kept on throwing it off.And he tells me that he does not want to live in a complex (neither do i)had bad times in them and i dont want to go threw it again,Yet i have found many apartments in my price range that i can afford,But he does not want to move to the places where i have been searching,It's like everything is about him,And if i dont do it he gets mad about it, I dont know why.. AM i in the wrong to ask him why he has been different towards me,Why does he cause fights with me just because I am not doing what he wants?Im so confused...He tells me that he loves me,Yet he treats me totally different.Like asif i am just another girl...
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (12 June 2011):
 Being emotionally emeshed in a guy can mean the blinkers are applied to unacceptable behavior that would not be tolerated from any other source.
Your self esteem is being eroded the longer you 'make do' and put up with his unacceptable level of commitment.
Don't announce to him nor share with him that you are getting counselling. Instead just do it. Get that counselling asap
When you are stronger emotionally you will be able to see exactly how he is manipulating you.
Your children also deserve better in all this. You are having to function as a single parent. Your children are missing out on a Dad who is there for them 24/7. While he lives a life of a bachelor, able to pursue the ladies, when and where it suits him.
No matter how cute. No matter how he melts your heart. You can have a kinder more committed guy than this.
There are really nice good guys willing to be a father figure and a good husband to you and do it 24/7.
Counselling will open your eyes to the fact that you love your guy too much, you overkook too much and you forgive too much. And you DO deserve much better.
Best wishes with all this
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for you answers.
I have spoken to him about this situation. All he does is say uhhh why are you doing this? And still gets mad just because i am asking him questions and telling him i feel.. It frustrates me. And i Love him dearly,I have told him that time to times again and again.. He tells me that he loves me 2,But when i say "well you dont show it much,Unless we are not together you do,Why? He usually gets mad about it. And problem is yes, When he is this caring loving boyfriend makes me fall over heels even more. It is so hard to leave him now..
Although in side im breaking apart. And the minute i say okay we are breaking up. He calls me constantly saying how much he can't live with out me,This time will be different. And I am so stupid to actually believe in him..
Am I stupid? Just letting a guy treat me like im a pit stop. But when we are not together he treats me like i am his girl?.. I dont know.. My mind is seriously doing 180's and flips..
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (11 June 2011):
He's a mean spirited guy who possibly has another girl on a string at the moment. Seven years, two children and some break-ups. He does not sound sufficiently committed to his children. Most fathers want to spend time with their children.
He is treating you like a convenient pit-stop when it suits his schedule. It sounds like you might have stronger feelings for him, than he has for you.
I would discount his 'love you' words and look first and foremost at his actions.
He keeps you loosely JUST attached to him, binding you to him emotionally, so that you cannot move on to a kinder more considerate guy. The right sort of guy will happily become a friend, lover and hopefully husband to you. And a kind considerate father figure to your children.
Stitch up the child support arrangements legally.
And get some counselling to cope with loosening your ties to this guy and help with moving on.
He's had Seven years to get his act together. How many more decades does he require?? And how much longer should you put up with a part time 'husband'???
Move on to live where it is most convenient for you and the children
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): It seems you have given him a lot of chances and he just reverts to giving you less attention when he gets you back. In some ways this is similar to a lot of men, and it could be that he is unable to sustain this attention.
But this recent behaviour suggests to me that there is something he is not telling you. It could be true that a friend is in trouble or he could be cheating. Either way, you are supposed to be the closest person to him so you need to have a serious talk with him and let him know not just how you feel, but what you want and what will happen if this continues. You may need to think this through first. Don't put up with being made unhappy, as this will affect not only you but your children too.
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