A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was seeing a guy for few months, he told me he loved me multiple times but all whilst drunk, i responded saying that i did like him but didn't love him. The last time he said it he made little to no effort to see me, when he would normally come over a couple times a week. I asked if something was wrong, he said not at all. I thought he was upset that i didn't say it back.Then we went out with our friends and he was there, and he was acting normal at first. His drunk friend said 'give me a kiss' and i laughed, said no, but gave him a kiss on his cheek. The guy I'm seeing poured beer all over my head and walked out.The next day he apologised and said he still wasn't over his ex, and that he missed her everyday and it was making him depressed.So i needed to move on. However, we are all still friends so see each other out. One night his ex was there. He was all over her in front of me, and she was pushing him away but you could tell she was slightly playing with him and enjoyed him being all over her. I had to respect that their relationship was bigger then what we had. But then he kept coming over to me and trying to hug me, which is upsetting, and each time i asked him if he could stop doing it. He was really drunk.Its hurtful to realise i was potentially a rebound, and that he was using me to make his ex jealous. I thought we cared about each other, even as friends. I feel disrespected.Left it a while, and then we saw each other out again. I said hey then ignored him all night. When it was time to leave i said goodbye and he said something like 'i want to be with you all the time.'Does it sound like he's confused/ using me to get over his ex / playing me?Im not heartbroken and am trying to be strong, but i really do care about him as a person, and if he's just flat out trying to play with my emotions that i need to consider whether i even can be friends with a person like that, even if they are going through a tough time.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 February 2017):
 I think you can't have it both ways...
This guy seems to be always drunk. Or at least, drunk most of the times when you see him. And you seem to take quite seriously the nice things he says when he is under the influence: " I love you " " I want to be with you "...
Ok, then, though, you should take as seriously also the not nice , in fact awful , things he says and does to you when he is drunk. Like, pouring beer all over you because you gave a peck on the cheek to some other guy. You should take this , as seriously as you take the sweet words, and deduct that he is a potentially violent ,abusive individual, and anyway, just as he is now, - a turd. A shameless jerk with no respect no and self control.
You can't only believe him when he is " nice " , hugsy drunk,but disbelieve him , or minimize the seriousness of the offense, or find excuses for him, when he is abusive- drunk. Not fair. And most of all, not logical.
If he is genuine when he goes all sentimental... then he is also genuine when he shows his controlling, aggressive, spiteful side. Which, unluckily, weights way more than a couple of booze - fueled platitudes.
And yes, you should consider whether you should even be friends with this person. He may be going through a tough time but that0s no good excuse for how he acted with you.
You must be a very nice, understanding person for wanting to still be friends with him after the way he treated you, beer included. But I wonder if you aren't too nice for your own good.
Anyway : he does not sound confused. He sounds DRUNK, that's all !
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 February 2017):
 Did you even bother to read the responses on your post about the SAME guy, same subject?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/if-he-misses-his-ex-does-that-mean.html
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