A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Question: What does all of this really mean? Is he conflicted? Does he really want to just be friends or is he fooling himself and possibly me?Background: I have been with my boyfriend for over a year. We have only been seeing eachother and no one else. We are both divorced and have kids, so we are only able to see eachother every other weekend. We have met eachother's families, bought things for the other person's kids, have gone shopping together, shared dinner together with kids. He was the first one to state that I was his girlfriend to his friends and family and we just seem to click sooo well when we are together. He has told me that I am special to him, that every time he sees me, I put a smile on his face. I would not call him, but he would call me every night just to say hi and goodnight. He calls me "Honey", "Sweetiepie". This past summer, he started asking me future questions such as, "________ wanted to know if we would ever want to go on a trip together with them."I recently told him that I loved him and then things became instantly different. We had a phone conversation and found out the following: He is getting pressure from work to travel more, his kids are demanding more time and attention due to school problems.I then asked the following question: "If you want to take it slower, what would that make us? Would we just be friends?" He hesitated and s l o w l y said, "Ahhhh, yeah I guess". He says that he still wants to spend time with me, still wants to call me on the phone, but maybe not every night like he was. He says that he really enjoys talking with me because we have great conversations, but he felt that maybe the pace of our relationship was going a little bit too fast and he just wanted to slow it down some. When we were discussing our plans for this weekend, I said that I had possible plans this weekend and that we might not be able to get together, he seemed to be supportive, but at the same time, I felt and heard some shock in his voice, like that was not supposed to happen. He told me that he would call me before the weekend and we could further discuss our plans. What does all of this mean? Is he trying to break up with me entirely? Although I would like to hear from anyone, I am really interested in a male's perspective. I don't want to push him, but I don't want to seem that I really don't care and then lose him that way. What to do, what to do.
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female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (29 January 2009):
 It sounds to me like you both get along extremely well but knowing that you're both divorced with kids etc may be the key here.
He may well want all that comes with a relationship, we all get lonely, but he's ben through divorce etc too and probably doesnt want to put himself through it again.
When you told him you loved him he may have goten a little scared and what he thought was a relaxed friendship/relationship suddenly became a serious issue.
He probably doesn't want to hurt you, nor does he want to get hurt himself and in this kind of situation it is nigh on impossible to know exactly what he wants or thinks, we only know what we can see and assume the rest based on our own fears.
It sounds to m like you're looking for confirmation that he's jut taking a step back and not runing away but the only way for you to know for sure is to ask him about it in person.
There is never a right moment for those conversations but if you leave it too long it will weigh on your mind and it'll drive you crazy or push you both apart. Perhaps tread carefully and go with your gut instinct as those are usually the ones that prove to be right...
Let us know what happens
xxxxxx
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