A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im 27yrs, am in a 8yr relationship. My relationship is a happy one. No kids. Im not the cheating type. Never have been. Am not stupid, crazy, but not stupid. So, here we go...Ive known Brock since i was 12yrs. Brock is 3yrs older than me. He lives 5mins from my parents house. Till this same day. We have alot of history. I remember when i was 13yrs, cut a long story short, i told a lie, and he got a hiding from his father. So thats a tad bit of info on our history. And so many more. Mischeif teenager times. Hes always been my friend. My first relationship was when i was 14yrs. With a guy James. That lasted 3yrs. The year 2000 we broke up. I moved out of his home and moved back to my parents. Brock was always there. As a mate to hang out with. Through out my 3yrs with James. Anyway, New Years 2001 we nookied. No sex just kissing. Then we gradually ended up in the sack. This went on for 2mnths. Come April 2001, i never saw him again. Later that year around September 2001. We bumped into each other, and he started hanging around at my parents house. At that time i was staying there. We ended up together, but this time, it was a relationship. He moved in. Everything was going good. Until his Ex came into the picture. Brock started distancing himself from me. We eventually went our own seperate ways. January 2002 i was living with my sister. Still, 5mins away from where he stays. We all live close. He started coming around there, hanging out with me. Sometimes we'll make love, sometimes we just hang out and crash together. This went on for 5mnths. I never did the chasing. Never told him how i really felt. That i was in love with him. Never showed my true feelings. Is why i let myself go with him. Why i was easy. Im not like that. Ive only been with 5 men, because ive always been in relationships. But i gave myself to him knowing i was only being used this time. I couldnt help it. That ended. He left the country August 2002 with his girlfriend at the time. He'd ring me from England. Sometimes drunk, sometimes upset. One night he rang, and told me he loved me. I was confused. The phone calls ended, cos i moved. I moved on from there. Never had sex with anyone after Brock till I met my current partner Trin Feb 2003 at our old job. March 2003 we hooked up. We fell in love, moved in together, dogs and responsiblites. Life! We've never cheated on one another. Trust, foundation etc. Come 2005 Brock had come back from England single. My mother had told me he had been around. This time, my partner and i was living back at my parents house, saving our money. I was waiting for it. And sure enough, dogs started barking. We had a visitor. It was Brock. I introduced him to Trin. Trin knew before hand who Brock was. Trin knew my history and i too with him. But that didnt stop Brock from coming around to hang out with my family, my partner and i. We drink together, have BBQs. There were awkward moments between Brock and i. I could feel it, he'd follow me outside to put the bottles in the rubbbish, sleep on the couch. I had my Ex in my parents sitting room, and i had my man lying next to me. I never found closure when Brock left. I still had feelings for him when he was in England, and at that point of time, i still had them. Then it suddenly stopped. Brock was back with his Ex. Never heard from Brock for a while. Only through texts messages, once in a blue moon. The year 2006, i texted him out of the blue, we hadnt been in contact for ages. I was upset, and asked Brock if he could drop some ciggies off at my house. He did, left it in the leterbox and rang me from outside my gate. I dint answer it. I was to upset to. He texted, then left. Never heard of him again. Until Sep 2008. My partner had left for another country in March 2008. The plan was for us to start a new life in Canada. So Trin stayed over there working and what not. Brock heard that i had moved back in with my sister, my partner had moved to Canada etc. He texted me after so long, asked about me, then we caught up with one another. Hung out with his parents and friends. Went out together to the movies and dinner and what not. He respected the situation. I had a man and trhat i was off limits. 1mnth later, we gave into temptation. My partner never knew what i was up to. Because we had this trust. He trusted me and i went and threw it away. Only because ive always had feelings for Brock, after all these years. Otherwise i wouldnt have done it. Brock was honest with me that he didnt want any complications. He had been burnt from his previous Ex. We started hanging out again. It was a Friends with Benefits kinda of thing. I went along with it. My partner stayed in Canada for nearly 2yrs. Through out those 2yrs i was with Brock. But not in a relationship. Brock and i have a weird thing. It confuses me. I didnt hear from him now and then. Then 2mnths later hes coming around home, 2am, drunk. Just to go to sleep. We didnt always have sex. Most times we'd just watch a DVD together then crash. Sometimes we'll make love, mostly whe we've beein drinking. Thats what confuses me. March 2010 Trin moved back home. This thing between Brock and i continued. He'd apologise for what we're doing. saying he knows its bad. But couldnt help it. Neither could i. My partner came back. I toned it down. I stoped making love with Brock. I was still sleeping at his house, same bed, but none of the touching. Just watching movies, hanging out in his room. Then we'd go to sleep. My partner knew of all this. And was still willing to let mr do what i want to do. He trusted me. My point is, is that Brock and i have been around each other for so many years. We've had this funny relationship with one another. My partner eventually stopped my meeting with Brock in June 2010. Trin chucked my cell phone, changed the home number. I hadnt heard from Brock till 2 nights ago. He just turned up at home, got my cousin to come up and get me. I went down to chat with Brock. He asked why i hadint been in contact, why i dont reply back to his texts. In joke kind of a way, but i know deep down hes serious. I have been soo confused. Only because i love Brock. If i didnt, this wouldnt bother me. Did he come around because he missed me? Does he have deep feelings for me? He did tell my mother, this year, he loved me. But he was drunk. I dont know whether im just a FWB. But it wasnt always about sex.He'd ask me over to join him and his boys for a drink. Im with him in the weekends cos i end up ataying there, cos i enjoy his company more. His parents sees all of this. He doesnt hide his feeling for me around people. But hes distant sometimes. Is it becasue im in a relatioship? Hes loving. But i dont know wheather its just cos he might be lonely or is it genuine. This feeling has been like this for bluddy years. Its tearing me apart. Im confused and dont know what to think. I need some advice please guys. Some real good advice would be much appreciated. Thankyou.Hope everyone is well and happy.Take Care.
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broke up, cousin, drunk, fell in love, friend with benefits, his ex, kissing, money, moved in, moved out, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2010): my dear.... love is what everyone looks for 'cause its the only thing that truly satisfies.... what you have with both of these men... has given you the "feeling" of love... but love is so much more than that... when alcohol is involved "love"... leaves... they are not compatible... real love is sober and overwhelming in its power making you "feel"... drunk when you are actually sharp in your perceptions without being clouded... in your judgement.we feel compelled to marry our true love... the one we grew up with... your attachment to brock comes from this yearning every woman has to come home... there's no place like home... yet that is your home in the past... which clearly has not been ideal... your future is so precious... but not so much as your present... step to the blessing right now with your intention to be true and pure in your relationship... no more breaking rules... that are there to keep confusion and heartbreak from entering your life... do the right thing... keep boundaries... and expect commitment from your partner 'cause if you get it then you will be on your way to giving it... and this is the trust basis for the only real... love..
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (17 September 2010):
 Your welcome. I hope everything works out for you. Take care.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2010): its hard. it seems like a love triangle hea. i think brock has deep feelings for you but wont come out with them becos ur in a relationship or just wants it casual FWB or he might be lonely and enjoys your company. Its not fair to both men it would put you in a difficult position aswell. but you have to look into that draw and figure out what it is thats in there. Do you want him or do you want Trin? but i think that brock turning up recently from a guys point of view is hes missing you. No contact for a while can be frustrating.i suggest you talk it over with brock. ask him the questions. tell him your feelings. you will find closure in it. You might start a new or continue your 8yr relationship. Only way to find out and stop this craze is to bite the bull by the head and speak up. good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOhGetReal. Thank you too, some interesting points. But, most of what you said up there is totally off the road. LOL You misjudged the whole situation. More likely you were judging the situation. However, you were right about one thing. I did enjoy it!Hope all is well
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks rcn for your answer. You're right. All of it. You understood my situation down to a T. I just needed to hear it from somebody else.Somebody on the Outside.Thank you. Appreciated it
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (16 September 2010):
 OK, Lady, I am sure this is all very meaningful to you, but I am going to give you a slap. Who is in the driver's seat of your life?
You have absolutely no boundaries, no expectations of a man or of a relationship. You are up for anything with Brock or with any man. You have been in so called relationships where men have left you. You have one now with a guy who left you for two years and moved across the globe from you and now he's back.
You don't have more than sex or love with either of these men. You let life just "happen" to you instead of going after you happily ever after by being up front with a man right from the beginning that you are not into casual sex, or casual relationships or girlfriend's that have no desire to ever make things permanent.
Life is not a Wuthering Heights novel unless you choose to live your life like one. And every woman gets the love life she deserves.
You are not a keeper to either of these men. You are a throw away, and you will let them come into your life, come into your bed with absolutely no expectations of anything more. That is not love, that is just plain stupidity and a wasted life.
I am sure you have enjoyed it, but wake up and stop being confused. You are not confused. You have no internal locus of control. You are responsible for all of this, YOU, not circumstance not Brock showing up like a stray dog, YOU have decided to piss your life away on these men who are basically using you.
Brock most definitely is not a man, he's a complete loser.
The other guy, Trin, I am not so sure what his deal is...just a drifter and a sexual grifter possibly.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (16 September 2010):
So, until 2008 you haven't been the cheating type. You were with Trin, and although you were with Brock before, being with him while you are with the other is cheating. Why are you asking these questions? I don't know what's going through Brock's mind to be able to tell you if it's love from his direction or not. This is something you would have to ask him. It is okay to, and then you'll know where that stands. You need to decided from that who you want to be with. It's not okay to be with one and have FWB with the other. Doing so, someone will end up getting hurt. This decision won't be easy for you, but you need to search deep within yourself for your answer. It's not fair to you or to who you're with if you keep on wondering what could have been, or what could be. If I were you, I'd ask Brock directly, then take that information to weigh your decision. He may also be in love with you, but not want anything serious, and seeing you every now and again has been how he likes it. Who knows? This closure and moving forward can only begin with your talking to Brock and seeing what his feelings for you truly are. Okay.
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