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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I have been dating a man for 7 weeks. On paper we look great, same age, both solvent kids grown up, both working, similar interests and lots in common...there is just one problem...he hasn't let me see where he lives but has been to mine a few times.It's really worried me, especially since he is hard to get hold of by phone and is poor at texting or calling me (although I usually get a morning and night time text). I hate snooping but did have a look on the electoral register and there is a woman registered at his address with him (2012) but he swears he split from his ex last year. Things have been further complicated by the fact he has had a very close family relative die just over a week ago, so trying to ask him about his partner situation has been difficult.He has said I can visit his house next week but said this before but made an excuse at the last minute. He has been affectionate and told me he has told his family about me, showed his mum a picture.Am I being dumb?...Is he in a relationship (he swears he is not and will prove it to me...so do I wait to be proved?Waiting til next week is going to kill me. I live alone and suffer with mild depression so my mind is going into overdrive.what can I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2012): I am the original poster.
Thankyou all for your helpful suggestions. I have spoken to him and he reassured me again that he is definitely single and I will be visiting his place next week. He said things have been a little bit weird because of the family death and I could tell from his voice that he was telling the truth. I did admit to snooping and he said he had no idea how his ex was still showing on the register but that she definitely has gone.
I think I am just being a little paranoid as have been hurt in the past. I really like him and I know he likes me, so have decided to take a chill time and just wait and see. A few more days won't make a whole heap of difference and it's been an important lesson in seeing that things may not always be as bad as you first fear.
Will keep you posted at any developments
Thanks again, you are all stars x
A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (5 May 2012):
 There really isn't anything concrete to go on and perhaps right now you are jumping to conclusions.
I do agree with Lotti though. Have a talk with him and do check out his place where he lives -- insist upon that course of action when he returns. He needs to assure you that he isn't two-timing you. My instinct tells me that he is being upfront with you, however and if he is recently divorced or just broken up with his ex girlfriend, chances are that his place is in shambles and he is embarrassed by it.
In the meantime, take some time to have some fun on your own. See a movie, go bowling, go for a nice walk, call your children and have some fun on your own. If you are sitting at your home, pining away and worrying, you'll drive yourself crazy. Heck, shoot me an email, I'll chat with you a bit...
Life is about living -- make the most of it and sure enough in a week's time your boyfriend will return and you'll be able to continue seeing him and learn more one another.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 May 2012):
 I agree with Auntie BimBim... wait for next week and then GO WITH YOUR GUT!
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A
female
reader, Latti +, writes (5 May 2012):
I dated a guy for about 2 months and like you...he never invited me to his house. He would always come to my house or we would meet up somewhere. Well, one night after hanging out, I told him that I really liked him, but since he was so secretive with where he lived, that i didn't want to date him anymore. I felt uncomfortable and would not be apart of any love triangle if he lived with someone else.
He laughed a little and said, I'm not living with anyone and the reason I have not invited you over is because I don't have any furniture. A couple of days later, he did invite me over....to a empty, very shabby apartment.
Now, I do agree with you....he needs to prove it! And if he can't invite you over....something is very wrong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2012): Umm sounds like u no the answer he's probally married and is cheating on his wife with u I would tell him to take u there or find out where he lives and drive past see what's going on so u no and if nothing and u don't c a women then whatever but if u do tell him 2 never contact u again or follow ur gut and say good bye
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (5 May 2012):
 You wait for next week, and if the visit is cancelled for some reason you know to listen to your gut and he is probably cheating on somebody with you.
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