A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been married 22 years. As of Feb, I discovered my husband was texting a woman at work up to 40 times a day and more. They text back and forth but they work in the same building. I asked him about it and he said they were just friends. He also told me they have coffee together but that he was NOT having an affair. I didn't like it but... So I watched the texting and they start at 4 a.m. and it goes on all day, everyday. We are all 50 years old..is this some new teenage discovery thing?? I asked what can you possibly talk about 40 times a day, everyday to her?? By the way she is married also. We got into a huge argument and he tells me "our marriage is just not working and he wants a DIVORCE". This is the first I have heard this in 22 years of marriage, she is the first sign of any problem. SHould I take him at his work, or let it play out and see what happens. I am a wreck, I cannot believe he said that...I do not want a divorce, but I won't be treated like dirt. I do not work outside the home, but stay busy with online biz'. I have also taken very good care of myself and don't believe this woman is "prettier", I think its more then that. Some ideas please from male and females would be greatly appreciated. He has said that he is not having an affair, but I feel his emotions are tied with this woman. What should I do at this time??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): he is having an affair, for now an emotional one but when he said that he wanted a divorce there should be more warning bells. does he want to leave to go to her? you have invested 22 married yrs together, if you have to re-start, do not be foolish, take him for everything he has. do not be emotional when you have to have your wits together during the separation and divorce. you have to make certain that you know everything about his affair, his OW. You need to investigate fully, you need to uncover all the facts.i truly wish you can salvage your marriage but if you cannot please do not end up like so many millions of women- without a cent. You please be different and take him to the cleaners. do not feel bad. stategise and win this battle. one way or another.
A
female
reader, CuriouserAndCuriouser  +, writes (11 April 2009):
 Even if they aren't physically 'seeing' each other..There is such a thing as an emotional affair; and it seems like there are several core problems with your marriage that are causing him to look elsewhere for love, affection and adventure. My father was the same way; but my parents never talked about their issues, they just yelled about them until both parties felt like total crap. It was this, and other reasons, that led them to a divorce.Communication and trust are two very important parts of a relationship - Both seem to be lacking. If you work on them, you may turn your relationship around from the thought of divorce to a deeper love than either of you have ever shared.Best of luck!
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (11 April 2009):
 After 22 years of marriage you know your husband better than anyone else, I fear only your instinct can help here we can not pass judgement or give valuable advise, based on a few paragraphs, when you have so many years knowledge of his attitude and behaviour.
The fact that he would rather Divorce you than stop texting this woman is slightly worrying to me.
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