A
female
age
30-35,
*appy_Heart5
writes:Hi Agony Aunts!I went clubbing for the first time on Thursday night. I met a guy 4 years older than me. He kept trying to snog me :-/I swapped numbers with him. Thing is he has tried phoning me 3 times. He has text me asking if we could meet up again, but he also said we should go back to his after so he can play guitar (yeah right, I think I know what he's after!) He's text me saying he's a 'good person to be around'. When I answered the phone we had a chat, nothing special, although he did say sorry if he comes across as too forward. Is he a player. Should I stop texting him?Thanks for your advice :)
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 January 2012):
 Sounds like a desperate dude, one to stay away from.. And eww on sucking on your straw. Who does that to a strangers drink?
I would just ignore him, he will go away.
And the whole "I miss you" he doesn't even know you.. Creeepy.... very creepy.
A
female
reader, Happy_Heart5 +, writes (14 January 2012):
Happy_Heart5 is verified as being by the original poster of the question'Here have my drink, take it home and dip your willy in it, that way you can say we've had sex too, you fecking weirdo.' Hahaa yep that is so freakin' right!!! What a good way of putting it.
Well, he's just text me now saying he misses me. What a weirdo. I've met him once! What a creeper.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2012): "Once he's dealt with you and gone, have a hilarious story to share hehe,"
This should be - Once he's dealt with and gone, you have a hilarious story to share.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2012): Good choice OP, he sounds like a major creep to be honest. The taking the sip out of your drink thing, I mean wtf? Here have my drink, take it home and dip your willy in it, that way you can say we've had sex too, you fecking weirdo.
Give it another week of just downright ignoring him, if he still doesn't let up trying to contact you then tell him you're sorry but you're not interested.
Be careful if you meet him in the club again OP, that could be awkward and/or dangerous. If that happens you will have to tell him you're not interested and just walk away without anymore discussion.
Be wary here OP, don't play anymore into this creeps hands and don't water things down with him either. A firm hand is needed when dealing with guys like him just in case he does turn out to be a psycho. If he's just a weird dumbass then a firm hand is needed to ensure he doesn't become a nuisance.
Once he's dealt with you and gone, have a hilarious story to share hehe, because frankly his dating technique is about as smooth as an industrial cheese grater.
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A
female
reader, Happy_Heart5 +, writes (14 January 2012):
Happy_Heart5 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all yours answers.
Especially Cerberus. I always like your advice, really good, thank you.
I couldn't agree more with you. 'Strum his flesh guitar', that is soo right, good wording too. Yes, many red flags. He seems way too pushy & eager. He is definitely trying to sell himself. He has said he has a good sense of humour & when he met me at the club he said that he did a great icebreaker with me.
If I don't reply within 5-10 minutes he'll send me about 2 or 3 texts repeating the text he sent before. He's tried phoning me 4 times over the past two days, although I've only answered once.
When I refused to snog him at the club he drank out of my straw and said that's the same as kissing isn't it? Implying that I should now kiss him.
He has asked to go the cinema. I know for certain that he will try it on with me though.
After being given the advice I am going to leave it & just ignore him.
Thank you again
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2012): Only time will tell if he's a player but he is trying to shag you. He tried to in the club and he's trying to get you back to his to strum his flesh guitar.
To me these are red flags, he hasn't shown any interest in you as person yet. He's trying far too much to get you to shag him and he wouldn't need to sell himself like that either by saying he's a good person to be around because it's kind of logical that you'd figure that out for yourself isn't it? So when a guy feels he needs to say something like that he's trying to cut to the chase, he's trying to bed you without actually proving he is a good guy, he expects you to just believe that so you will trust him enough to go back to his place.
I say be cautious but if you like him don't discount him. But this is definitely one of those guys who is trying to sweet talk your knickers off, so make him wait. Make him prove himself and do not go somewhere alone with him until you have established he wants to get to know you. It's very important you understand that saying he wants to get to know you doesn't mean he does if he can't sit in a coffee shop with you, listen and talk without trying to get you to go back to his place or trying to snog you. Do not listen to sweet talk OP, the true measure of a man is the things he does. If he says he's interested in more than just sex but keeps trying it on or trying to get you somewhere alone then he's lying. With guys like these I always advise girls to wait at least a month before going to be with him anywhere alone. Make every date a public one and wait until date 3 or 4 before you let him get close. If he comes on strong the first date and tries to snog you or is overly touchy feely then his main focus is sex and unless that's all you want too then it's not worth continuing.
Players don't have patience OP, they won't wait long and they usually come out with the corniest of shit too to try and make you go back to theirs. "Come back to mine so I can play the guitar" "I can't help myself you're so pretty." "I want you to meet my cat/roommate." "Come back to mine and watch a movie." "Let me cook you a meal." All designed to get you alone and usually there'll be a bottle of wine involved to loosen you up too. Public dates are safest, you will be able to gauge his type of interest after a few of them. When a guy is too full on that is a sure sign you need to take it extra slowly.
Some of them can be dangerous too OP, being very forward can be a sign of a guy who doesn't take no for an answer and has little respect for women.
One final piece of advice if what he says sounds like a bullshit ploy to make you like him, then he's a sleaze. As I said, you don't have to try and sell yourself. If he keeps saying things he thinks are cute but sound like quotes from a cheesy movie then this guy is a douche plain and simple.
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A
female
reader, Blod +, writes (14 January 2012):
 He sounds very forward! He must either really like you or just wants a hook up. If you like him, then you could arrange to meet up with him but I'd advise you to stick to neutral territory. Don't meet in a club either. That'd give you a better chance to find out what he's really like and what he's really after. It's up to you whether you keep in contact with him or not. But remember he's just one guy and if you say he's nothing special then do you really want to bother with him? I'm sure you'll meet someone else next time you go out and they might have more going for them.
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A
female
reader, Love-Rouge +, writes (14 January 2012):
Hi Happy_Heart5This guy does sound very keen, however I think you should give him a chance. From my own experience, meeting guys in clubs is not the best place to start a long term relationship, but the fact that he is still calling and texting you after that Thursday night is a good sign. He could have moved on to the next girl, if he was a player, but he didn't, and he is still interested in you.I think you should take things slow though, maybe meet him during the day, or go out for dinner. If you are not comfortable going back to his after meeting up with him, then don't. Meet up with him a few times first without going to his,and then you will know whether or not you like him, and whether or not he is genuine. If he tries anything on with you, or gets funny with you when you won't go back to his, then he might be a player. But as I said, he could have easily gone on to find someone else, but he didn't.Good luckdon't do anything that makes you uncomfortable, and tell one of your mates where you are going.
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