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writes: OP's own title.So my boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a half and he's been living with me at my moms for a year. (I'm 22) Recently we kind of fell in a rut.. the affection/sex was fading.. and it made me start to question things because I had a gut feeling something wasn't right. I checked his phone and in his history he was looking up some specific porn star and was googling the term "hot girlfriends," he was particullary searching the images. Well I didn't really know what I was suppossed to think about that but it hurt, so I confronted him about it. He said it was some guy he worked with who was checking out his new phone. He then went on to say that the guys he works with are scum and brag about screwing a different girl every night, and he's not like them. And he then went on to say "why would I look at porn on my phone?" K so I dropped it. But a week later found yet more porn on his phone. Everything was like "kinky girlfriends" "ex girlfriend revenge" so right away I confronted him. He admitted to it and then said he promised me this was the first time in a year he had looked at it. I became so sick to my stomach because just a week ago he seen I was upset about this same sitch, and also made that why would I look at porn on my phone comment to try and make me feel dumb, but then he goes and does it? Now I'm sure some of you are going to get on me about the "porn" subject and how I need to chill out, but I'm upset about how the situation is being handled. I also found on the computer that porn was being searched the days I work late and a few days where he didn't come out with me because he "wasn't feeling good"... he is denying and promising over our relationship that it wasn't him... I truly believe I'm being lied to... and that's what is killing me. I've given him the chance to come clean, but he keeps denying and is now getting upset because I don't believe him. I really don't know what to believe anymore... I was in a relationship before where the guy would promise up and down stuff and then I would later find out he was lying so I really just don't know what to trust anymore. What do you guys think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2010): He's probably a porn addict and addicts lie to cover their addiction. They also turn situations around to make you feel like an idiot for questioning anything to begin with.
I wish you luck. I understand your pain very well.
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (29 July 2010):
 AS a guy, I know we are mostly pigs and can't be trusted until we've demonstrated a long period of trustworthyness. but only you can judge the truth. Normally, we lie to avoid conflict.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): You have every right to be concerned and talk about this. Sure practically every guy looks at porn, but like you said the issue is him lying about it and going behind your back. Now it seams like the porn is affecting your relationship. Its sad if he wants to just look at porn instead of be with you. Most likely, he thinks you have a real problem with it, so thats why he is being more secretive about it. I think you should bring it up to him. If you have a serious problem with just the porn in general, then be straight up and tell him to stop or get out. If its not the porn you are really concerned with, then explain to him you dont care about that, you just want him to be open and honest with you. If you two cant trust each other, then its probably not gonna work. He shouldnt be sneaking around and going behind your back. Just be honest with him. You shouldnt be going on like this and constantly wondering what he is doing and not trusting him. Thats not fair to you at all. I wish you the best. Just do whatever you feel is best and whatever will make you the happiest. If you can get things back on track and work it out, then go for it. If this becomes a more serious issue and he is not willing to respect you and how you feel, then you should consider moving on.
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