A
male
age
36-40,
*lone_For_The_First_Time
writes:I met my former fiancee four years ago in a philosophy class on a community college campus while we were both still seniors in high school. We were both in emotionally fragile states at that time. I was recovering from an alcohol issue, she was still fighting through a horrible experience with her high school drama troop and the following depression that came with it. This developed into her self loathing for not having the guts to try out and apply to college theater programs. As you can guess, she is an actress, and a damn good one too. Long story short I channeled my issues into becoming a guardian and enabler for her. I know I shouldn't have, but it was hard when you fall for someone so handicapped in the public sector not to slip into the easier cycle of doing things for her that you should not than to help her do it herself. Eventually this was acknowledged and we both worked on it somewhat. However, to this day she still cannot pump her own gas, and dreads the simple human contact of a cashier. She cannot drive to simple places like the grocery store on her own because she doesn't know how to get there due to her handicapped sense of direction and whatnot. Whenever she needed to run errands I was always brought along. Fast Forwarding to the last six months, she decided to end her avoidance of theater and get back on the horse. Surprised me, but I was thrilled. She took an acting class and subsequently tried out for the lead role in the college's spring play. She received that lead and the play was success, no doubt thanks to her strong acting talent. However, in the process of this production she developed a new social group, the theater troop. She told me they were nice people at first, but that they were strangely into sex jenga. I was abhorred. That was all I heard about them in depth for a month as she continued to spend an increasingly growing amount of time with them (Bars, Parties, Overnights) and less and less with me. She also refused to let me meet them as she said I would make a scene and she couldn't stand that. Months later she told me that the "Sex Jenga" things was simply a miss-communication and that it was a joke she took seriously. Unfortunately, I did not know this for the first two months and was barred from meeting this new group.I eventually went insane, as she was not coming home some nights, keeping an ever shrinking amount of contact with me, and I was left alone. To make matters worse I was stuck working long hours, in a job I couldn't stand, to support us so that we could stay financially above water. Between that and my school work, I had little free time and was growing ever more depressed, adding to my insanity. Eventually my friendships in the town were broken because the individuals with which I socialized took her side, saying it was my duty to support her and that she needed me so I should buck up and shut up. A pretty archaic view I thought so I have not talked to them for over three months.After months of us fighting she eventually abandoned me and spent the last two weeks of school trying to see me as little as possible (impressive considering we shared the apartment I paid for). I bailed on the town, quit my job, and moved back to my parents nearly three hours away for the first time in two years. After some lukewarm conversation with her and occasional hanging (we are from neighboring towns), we became friends. I tried to help her get a job, the first of her life, so that she could afford to go back to school in the fall. After a few solid attempts and failures she gave up on that. She then settled on living with her friend in the fall that she stayed with frequently over that past few months. It made sense as she had needed another roommate for a while. What didn't make sense was that my ex had no finances with which to make this feasible. I told her when we went back I could get her work at my old job, where I would eventually go back to. I also floated the idea that I would consider rooming with her again under the idea that i was no longer barred from meeting her new friends, and that the living situation would be more equal this time around. I was going to enable no more. At first she chose to stay with me, but after I waffled a little she reconsidered and chose to live with her friend. When she asked her friend if the room was still available her friend told her that she had already given the room away. My ex then told me that it was no big deal because she could live with another one of her friends. The only difference here was that this friend was a single guy, and the room was the spare bedroom in his mothers house, this house was in a city thirty minutes from school, and his mother was the individual who extended the invite because she apparently loves my ex to death. What bothers me more is that I am convinced that this guy has been trying to move in on her for a while now. She texts him more than we ever did, and I am not the only one to notice this. He gave her rides to things from our apartment in the beginning. She says he is not interested in a relationship as he is coming off of a bad one from a year ago. I say he is playing the injured card. And now she is moving in with him.On top of my feelings this seems like a horrible idea, as she will hate the commute in her old unreliable car because of the gas and she will likely get lost often. She will not be able to pay anything to them while she lives there and will need them to feed her (she is a very picky vegetarian). She will struggle to find the privacy and quiet space that she normally craves. And eventually if she gets in a fight with either one of them she will become an outsider because she is not a part of the family. Back to my feelings is the fact that she is stringing me along saying that she wants to try again, but when we are out of school. She still expects me to care for her. She still insists on hanging out and telling me she loves me. I have told her that when she moves in with this guy I will be out of her life for good because I can't put myself in this kind of idiotic situation. She says my decision is a bad one. Sad part is, I love her. She is and always likely be my best friend. We clicked socially, emotionally, spiritually, academically, and physically. We could read each others minds. And now I feel so utterly used and betrayed.I really don't know what my question is. I guess all I want is some validation and hints as to where I should go from here. Should I run as far as I can from her or should I still try to play the stoic knight?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2010): Trust me, bail out now. Do not waste time if she intend to be with you. She will accept your offer of rooming together again even you waffled a bit. Don't run away because it won't help. You need to face reality certain girls tend to string the guy along until they find someone better.
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