A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a guy for over four months now and, while he pursues me and makes all of the dates (1x weekly), our relationship hasn't really progressed, and we haven't had the whole, "exclusivity" talk. He doesn't ask me about my hopes and dreams, or much about me at all. Mostly, we talk about him or we talk about a subject we're both interested in. We have a lot of fun, but he often claims he's working on weekends, and only makes time for me last minute, when he can find a "free spot" in his supposedly busy schedule.Two weeks ago, he surprised me by asking if I'd like to go away for the weekend. That weekend is now approaching (this weekend), and, when I spent time with him on Sunday, he said he hadn't yet booked the hotel because he wanted to confirm which day I wanted to leave. I told him which day (Friday), and he said that he would proceed with booking the trip. Yesterday (Tuesday), he sent me a text message that just said, "Let's try and talk tonight." I replied, saying, "Sure, regarding the details? I should be free after 6:30" but I had a weird feeling. He didn't reply to that text. He ended up not calling, sending me an email in the morning saying he was busy with meetings all day yesterday and that he didn't have a chance to call. He said that we should try to touch base tonight. I replied, asking him if he'd booked the hotel, because I wanted to give the information to my dog sitter, but he did not reply to that email. It makes me think that something is "up." My thought is that he might be a commitment phobe and that he's trying to back out of this trip, and maybe the whole relationship. Otherwise, why wouldn't he just ask me a simple question via text or email, as that seems to be the easier way to go about things for him? Any perspective on this? Has anyone had experience where their gut told them what was going on before they really knew for sure?
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female
reader, Marilissa75 +, writes (16 March 2014):
 He probably is not looking for commitment. If you want more and do not want to settle for having a lover who fits you in as he can, you might want to go ahead and have that exclusivity talk but expect that he will not want to take it to the next level. That is going to be hard to take but maybe it will help you move on with your life if that is what needs to happen based on what he says. It sounds like it is pretty much him calling all the shots and you know it is lopsided and you know you are not going to get more out of him. I frankly find it disrespectful that he is not making plans in a way that allows you to make your necessary arrangements. I have come out and told a man when I think he is being inconsiderate. The man I am dating now respects me more because I will let him know when I think he is being inconsiderate of me. For example, he started texting at midnight for me to come over. I put a stop to that. He never did it again. Once, when he did not return my text for 24 hours, I called and left him a voice mail telling him his behavior was extremely insensitive and he was not treating me as a human being worthy of respect. He apologized for that and he now always responds. If he is busy, he will acknowledge it at least. If he had not apologized, I would not be dating him anymore.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2014): He sounds a little self centred to me, and it seems you don't know enough about him. I would casually send him a tx and ask if he is free to talk.
Ask him what's going on as your confused and hopefully you'll get your answer. If not I would distance yourself and make it clear your straightforward and expect the same respect in return. Perhaps he is just not for you in many respects? Hope it all works out okay
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