A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I've been dating a guy for 6 months, but have known him for a year through a work contact. Since we have become official I have noticed when I call on week day evenings (we only meet at weekends due to distance) he isounds drunk at least 3 times a week. He usually talks very romantic stuff but his mood can change in an instant if I say the wrong thing. His speech is slow and slurred and its hard to have a proper conversation sometimes. I don't mean just cheerful from a few drinks. He does not do drugs. He always has to have a drink when we're out. He is generally a nice guy, but this worries me. Should I say something to him? Or should I just leave? I can't imagine us living together and having him drunk 3 nights a week. I don't drink much myself, only one or two if I go out at the weekend, and I don't drink on my own at home. I don't have a problem with drinking, but this is affecting the way I see our relationship.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 February 2014):
 My husband is an alcoholic. If I had KNOWN how it was going to be when we married (about 18 months now) I never would have continued with him.
ALL the signs are there for you now... drunk calls, even when he's nice are not easy. and even though my husband did not have "angry" drunk when we were dating.... I see "angry drunk" now quite often and end up having to go stay away from my home.
THERE is no reasoning with a drunk. If he drinks 3 days a week enough for you to notice, then I'm betting that weekends you are together he's holding back. This will change over time. and you will have drunk on weekends too.
Alcoholism is an illness. Even if they can go a week or longer without a drink, if they are binge drinking this happens. My husband never smells of booze, he's not sloppy... he's not walking around with a flask 24/7, he can go days without drinking.... but he's a functional alcoholic.
MOST alcoholics I know are what is called "functional alcoholics" this means they function in the world. they have jobs, marriages or relationships, they pay their bills, they appear normal at work... it's very deceiving for folks that think that an alcoholic is a homeless filthy bum in the street gutter.
They will apologize the next day, even if they don't remember.
I record my husband so he can be held accountable for his behavior. I should leave him but I won't because I knew what I was getting when I married him.
Saying something will NOT change his behavior. You should leave. I'm sorry. When they are sober they can be so charming. I love my husband. It's his only saving grace. I promised him I would stay with him because I knew this was what I was getting but I have had three drunk enough to leave nights in the last two weeks... I don't want to see this for anyone else.
Letting him know why you are leaving will actually be a service to him although probably not for years to come.
Take care of yourself and leave. Feel free to privately message me if you want.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (26 February 2014):
 If you have to step on eggshells out of fear of "saying the wrong thing", that to me is the nail in the coffin for this relationship. He drinks - you aren't crazy about drinking, and you don't see any long term relationship. I think this relationship is something you should move on from. You can find someone much more compatible and someone who you won't have to battle the bottle with. Good luck, sweet!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2014): Leave now. Don't fool yourself into thinking he will change for you or at things will improve, because they won't. You don't want to be with a drinker, believe me, because I speak from experience. It's just not worth investing time with someone like that. You can and will get someone else.
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