A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I will start by saying that while I am open to the possibility of a relationship, I am very comfortable and happy being single. I have never been the type that has to have a boyfriend to feel secure and good about myself. And, often in the past, after a relationship has ended, instead of rebounding after 2-3 months I have just taken the time to enjoy being single...sometimes not dating for a year or more.I do have a concern though, and that concern is that I may be drawn to the wrong sort of man. Part of the reason I stay single is because I don't like forcing chemistry with men I don't feel drawn to. Instead, I hold out for the next great chemical pull I have with a man. However, those men in the past, have turned out to be egomaniacs: arrogant, proud, emotionally unavailable (not obvious at first).I am wondering if there is something wrong with me, why am I attracted to such men? Or why do they all turn out to be this way?Is having immediate chemistry important? If you go out on a date and feel like it was a job interview (lacking of any spice or warmth) do you continue to date the person hoping things might change with a closer acquaintance???Thanks for your input! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, erika473 +, writes (15 July 2009):
 hey there=) reading your post was funny..it could have been me writing the same exact thing..i am very independent and free spirited, i don't need a guy and i don't often meet guys that can draw me in and give me enough of a challenge to last..i'm 25 and i have only had a few boyfriends, and i usually get bored once they really like me..not to sound like a player but it's just the way i am..i like the beginning of a relationship, with the excitement and unexpectedness, it seems like you can't recapture the same feeling over again (w the same person anyway). i am attracted to "bad" boys too, usually guys that party, are adventurous, and emotionally unavailable..maybe it's because we are emotionally unavailable in a way, guys can tell that we won't be w them forever or they are intimidated, so the good ones don't want to take the risk and are looking for some1 more stable and needy emotionally..i don't think there's anything wrong with the way we are, even if it's not typical (esp. of girls)..the only thing is, i'm kind of sad right now because i broke up w a guy (we were mostly just friends..we only hooked up a few times) and i really want to stay friends w him but he seems to be bitter/mad..i'm just hoping he will eventually get over his ego and we can be friends..especially since i even tried to work things out w him but he was the one in the end that didn't want to talk anymore..oh well what can u do?
A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (15 July 2009):
 Well....I will answer your question from my perspective. I am newly single and have been dating for 2 years. I've been on about 10 dates. I have had "that feeling" with two of my dates. Nothing with the others and the date was agony and when I got in the car to go home it was the happiest part of the date.
The difference for the dates that there was chemistry was that I knew these two men and had taken the time to get to know them over the course of several months prior to the date. So even before the date the chemistry was there.
Now when I kissed one of the men I had that feeling with it was what I call a dead kiss. No spark, no excitement and in the end we actually ended up being friends. The other guy the kiss sealed the deal. The energy, spark and magic was there for both of us.
Of the 8 that I wasn't comfortable with I immediately told 7 of them that I didn't want to see them again. One guy was nice and I thought, well I should give him another chance but the 2nd date was just the same. He kissed me at the end of the date and it was pure hell. I will not see him again. And in the future I will go with my gut, no spark, no 2nd date.
I honestly think that chemistry is in the brain and that either it's there or it's not there. I believe that you can feel something also depending on your point or situation in life. You have to be ready to feel that spark. I've actually had the spark come for a guy that I never thought of that way before.
I don't think you can force a spark or chemisty. If you feel like you're on a job interview, he's probably not the guy for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (15 July 2009):
 I quite understand what you mean about chemistry but sometimes the chesminstry does not always show straight away. Give a couple of these guys a chance. You could be missing the opportunity to meet you solemate.
Search a little deeper. God did not put man and women on earth to be single and life is too short.
...............................
|
