A
female
age
30-35,
*egitXan
writes:I have a boyfriend whom I really love. We are quite settled. But lately we have been living at different places so kinda like a long term relationship. Though we are constantly on the phone with each other, texting, mailing and stuff. But the thing is lately I have been noticing this guy in my neighborhood and I think I have developed a crush on him. I don't love my boyfriend any less, or at least that's what I think. So having a crush on someone else, when you are already committed wrong? How do I deal with it?
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female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (18 August 2010):
 Crushes happen, there isn't much you can do about it. As long as you don't pursue the person you have a crush on while involved with someone else, there's nothing wrong with it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): I think it is okay and normal to find other people attractive, even if you are in a committed relationship. If someone is good looking you are bound to notice them. But it depends on exactly what your feelings are. If you are simply noticing this guy, I think that is okay. But if you are having thoughts of wanting to get to know him, or you find yourself hoping to bump into him, or you start to feel dissatisfied and not as interested in your current boyfriend, then I think that is different.
I think it is because of the distance between you and your boyfriend, that is probably why you are noticing someone else. Perhaps you are lonely for company. Although you are staying in contact with your boyfriend via text and phone calls, it is not the same as seeing each other in person. It must be difficult, and you must miss him a lot.
Is the distance between you likely to be for a long time, or is it temporary? Could you possibly arrange to see each other more? I think improving the quality of contact may be important here, if that is at all possible. Maybe with the other guy, you could try and think things like, maybe he has a girlfriend. Maybe he is not a very nice person. Things to try and make him seem less appealing. But I do think it is important to try and sort something out with your boyfriend, as it sounds like the distance will be a problem for you. Try talking to him and explaining that you are finding the distance difficult to cope with, and see if together you can work something out.
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A
female
reader, heartbroken101  +, writes (18 August 2010):
 its not necessarily wrong...you can look just don't touch. maybe the fact that your missing your boyfriend is contributing to the fact that your noticing other boys because you dont have him around so much. i think personally your just missing him...so you need to spend more time with him if you can...communicating over phone, email etc is great but if you do it for to long then you may start to miss him more and more and get confused about feelings towards other guys.
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