A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I celebrated my birthday not long ago by going away on a short trip with a good friend. It's just that she seemed kind of off, and she didn't congratulate me on my birthday! I figured, at least she wanted to come on the trip with me, which cost her money, so I didn't expect a gift or anything, but I didn't know how to handle her not even congratulating me. The trip was on the actual day of my birthday. I said nothing about it for six hours, and then at the end of the trip, right before we got home, I checked my phone for birthday messages and congratulations. My friend noticed and asked if I liked receiving congratulations. I told her that yes, they are nice. And then I told her "By the way, you haven't congratulated me yet", where she responded with a long monologue of why she doesn't care about saying congratulations and how little it matters to her, and how to her its all about remembering the day and not about receiving congratulations, and how she didn't want to say it now anyway because she just felt forced. I just replied with "k" "got it" "sure". THEN, after a while, she must have changed her mind and suddenly congratulated me. But by then how could I take it sincerely?I know she's under stress because she just started a new job, but it's not a lot to say congratulations to someone. I turned 30, so it's a big day and all, and I always celebrate my birthday (which she knows). Last year she congratulated me without all this fuss, so I have no idea what this was about.How do I handle it? Just forget about it? Talk to her about it? To be honest I started to wonder if I really know her at all when she finds it so difficult to just say happy birthday to her friend. I didn't expect this sort of behaviour from her, and our trip ended on a weird note because of this.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 December 2015):
 I agree with YouWish
Very asshat'ish behavior - kind of passive-aggressive. Cold be that she really couldn't afford the trip but went with you anyways because she felt obligated? Or something else is going on.
She ended up congratulating you because she realized her behavior was ridiculous.
Or she feels a little ashamed that she forgot.
And I agree with - having a talk with her (not about the congratulations) but to see what's eating her.
My husband doesn't like to celebrate his B-day. Maybe because he didn't really have any as a kid. But that doesn't stop me from baking a cake, making a favorite meal, getting a card and present. And for all his protests, I know he DOES enjoy that! So for all her protests, this isn't about wish or not wishing someone happy birthday.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 December 2015):
 For lack of a better word, your friend is an asshat.
We congratulate friends because we care for them. We celebrate birthdays because the people we care about made the world better by being in it.
I think your friend is going through something. You mentioned that they congratulated you last year, so I'm wondering if their moodiness has to do with something internal. Something's going on with her. She got defensive, then regretted her defensiveness.
If I were you, I'd go to her and tell her that she can talk to me if there's something going on that's eating her inside, you know?
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