A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupidi had problem with office collegues on friday. I felt so depressed hence felt like talking to my bf. When i called him and after hearing his office, i couldnt control myself, hence kind of cried and sobbed and told my problem.I was crying so much, i couldnt talk more than 2 mins. Hence cut the call. He was hanging with his friends, he didnt call me after i cut the call. He called me after 3 hoursIs hanging out with his friends so important, that he cant even call immediatiely. Is that too much to ask or am i over reacting. Does it sound clingy when i want someone to be with me when i am depressed
View related questions:
depressed Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2012): It is too much to ask, and you are being too clingy.You are a big girl. You shouldn't expect or demand that your boyfriend drop everything he is doing because you have a problem and want IMMEDIATE attention.Note I'm not saying that I dont' think a bf shouldn't care and be concerned. Of course he should. But unless you just got diagnosed with a terminal illness, or just received news that a family member just died, I don't think it's right to expect him to drop everything he's doing to attend to your problems right then and there. It's saying that your time is more important than his. His time with his friends is important too. You can certainly wait til you get home later that evening to share your problems with him. furthermore, if you do this often, or if you're unable to deal with your life and are often bursting into tears, it's even more unfair to him to expect him to give you immediate attention every time. It's also not good for you too because then you will never learn to self-soothe if you're so reliant on your bf to make you feel better every time you have a problem.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 May 2012):
 And, is a bad day at the office so important that you have to cry your eyes out about it and seek immediate phone relief, disrupting your bf's night out with company ?
It all depends. If you are a normally balanced, self reliant type that only breaks down when there's a real emergency, then your bf was selfish and insensitive .
On the other hand, if you often, or always, want someone to be with you at the drop of the hat when you are depressed ( which I take to mean not clinically depressed, but just occasionally a bit blue or moody or upset ) then heck yes, it's clingy and not many guys would tolerate that in the long run.
Keep your tears for REALLY bad stuff; or else , cry all you want if it gives you comfort and makes you feel better, but on your own, don't demand other people dance to the tune of your emotions.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (7 May 2012):
Why are you so upset over work that you're crying? I understand everyone has bad days, but I work with a workplace cry baby and after the more than handful of times of her crying over nothing, I don't even care anymore.
If it happens a lot, then he may just figure it's the same thing over again so he would give you a call when he was finished with his "male bonding." Yes, if you call him crying frequently, then yes, it comes across as clingy and whiny if you need him to baby you. If it was something totally out of the ordinary and unlike yourself to call him crying, then I could understand you being upset.
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (7 May 2012):
 How often does this happen? If it's a one-time thing, he may not have known how to react, and just decided not to react unless you called back. Or maybe he assumed you would call him back when you were ready.
If this happens all the time, he may simply accept it as no big deal when you cry unless something really makes it stand out.
Or, maybe his friend mocked him and pressured him to stay. Or maybe he didn't know how to react, and his friend sincerely told him (correctly or not) that the best thing to do would be to give you your space.
Until you ask him, there are a half-dozen good reasons and just as many bad reasons why he may have reacted that way. Look into it instead of jumping to conclusions. Give him the benefit of the doubt.
...............................
|
