A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:so, me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years.But over that time, I will put in order...he has:Kissed a girlHad sexual contact with a girlkissed a girlslept with a girlsent nudes to a girlkissed a girlkissed a girlsent flirtatious messages to a girlkissed a girlHad sexual contact with a girl(these were all different girls)I love him and cant imagine life without him.But just recently me and his best friend have shared a few moments (kissed) am I just as bad? is going with his best friend really bad?They have just recently fell out, because his friend disagrees on how badly he treats me.what should I do?Help me!
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (7 July 2015):
You should leave your boyfriend anyway, irrespective of his friend. That is, unless you are able and willing to put up with all this cheating, as with this many indiscretions I’m afraid he’s not going to change. Since you’ve stuck by him, in his mind, why should he? As for his friend, who knows whether these are real feelings, or you’re just so pleased to have some-one show you consideration after spending 4 years with this uncaring cheat? I think you need time on your own, to come to terms with this relationship and to realise that this is not some-one typical of most men at all. Only when you’re ready to start the dating game all over again should you even consider the friend. To do anything now whilst in a relationship would be a betrayal of your boyfriend, who might deserve it, but it’s never a good idea to try and be just as bad as the person who hurts us. Jumping straight in to a full-blown relationship with his friend, assuming he’d even want to, would also be a disaster. Time apart, time on your own and taking things very slowly are in order here.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2015): Be a decent human being.
Dump the bf first, then go out with his friend.
If his friend was in just for the "drama",he'll eventually leave, but still either way the only thing you'd loose is a cheating a-hole or a competitive a-hole.
In case that the competitive a-hole turns out to truly care for you, you'd have gained a decent bf. I don't see what it is that you can lose in this situation? Dump current cheating a-hole and try your luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2015): If you're going with his best friend to be spiteful, it could blow-up in your face. He may just trash you and hurt your feelings. Two wrongs don't make a right; and you're the one who's upset about bad behavior. How is doing the same thing better? The story will be you came on to him hot and heavy; what was he to do?
I know what happens to the female who comes between bros.
It can be pretty nasty. They will turn on you in the end.
Move on with your dignity intact. Nobody twisted your arm to stay with the guy when you found out he cheated with the first girl. Look how long you stuck around thereafter? Are you a glutton for punishment, or what?
Okay, you got in a little vengeance; throwing yourself at his friend. It reflects badly on you.
Bitterness and belligerence can get out of hand, and you'll earn yourself a reputation you won't easily shake. Now that you've got it out of your system;, apologize to his friend for not being yourself, and cut all ties. Tit-for-tat feels good shortly after execution; but the karma catches up with you. Don't try to sell any of us on some sudden attraction for his friend. You're being spiteful. It's a dirty plot.
Don't earn the reputation of being the "crazy-ex." One thing leads to the next, and it's all because of grief.
That vicious anger will consume you from the inside out.
You'll find yourself wasting your time plotting get-back at your boyfriend; instead of working toward your healing. The anger is at yourself; because you stuck around too long, and didn't kick his sorry ass to the curb once you became aware he's a player.
Sweetie, I know you're hurting, but don't stoop to letting his friends take advantage of your pain. They'll just run it back to him, and the story will be twisted against you. If you were intoxicated at the time, it will only make things worse. If you were sober, you were still intoxicated with bitterness. You kissed him for no other reason than vindictiveness.
I understand where this is coming from, but using his friend to get back at him was a very bad choice. He's the last person you need for a rebound romance. It will hurt you more than it will hurt your ex-boyfriend.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (7 July 2015):
 Oh, paleeese! give it a rest with the boo-hoo and dump this creep.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (6 July 2015):
 If you can't imagine life without him, then prepare for a life of your boyfriend kissing, having sex with, having sexual contact with women.
If you are expecting him to be a faithful type, I'm so sorry, he's just not going to be able to fulfill that expectation.
Going with his friend isn't good. Are you just as bad as him? Well, now that you've used the word 'bad' to describe your boyfriend's behavior then we have something to go on.
What should you do?
I'd break up with the boyfriend as he's proven himself time and time and time and time and time and time and time and time and time and time again that he's just not really the monogamous type.
Getting with his best friend will only leave you with further contact with the the time and again cheater and my guess is that anyone who is friends with a guy who cheats on his girlfriend to this extent might not be the most faithful type.
Get out now before you get used to this treatment by both guys. And don't stoop to their level....
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2015): Yes it does make you just as bad. You should have more respect for yourself than to cheat and also than to stay with someone constantly cheating on you. Do you think his best friend will respect you if you carry on this way? Clearly he doesn't approve of this behaviour since this is why he fell out with your boyfriend. He may not turn you down during these moments because at the time he finds it exciting but each time, his respect for you will lesson. And what happens when your boyfriend finds out? He will use it to further justify his own actions. It sounds to me like your relationships with both men are toxic.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2015): If I was you. Id like stay with him in the short term... Use the short term to have a long hard think about your life and where you want to go... slowly shut down your emotions for him whilst maybe quiting smoking if you smoke.. maybe start a diet and start the gym and get a hobby and slowly use this time to better yourself... then when he sees this you will probably be on his radar again. by that time it will be too late. then you leave him for his best friend and he will have learnt that if you treat a girl bad she will quietly improve her life and then dump you when you least expect it and say " you got served "
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