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age
41-50,
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writes: [OP's original title]I have a boyfriend of 1 year. We have plans of getting married, but whenever we try to discuss, it becomes a hot topic and he is defensive. I have stopped bringing up the issue or contributing when he beings it up cos it makes me feel as if am putting him under pressure. I want to give him six months within which to set a date, and if he doesnt, i plan to get married to my ex boyfried who is an equally wonderful man, but we broke up because I went away, and thought I may never be back. I feel this guy is taking me for granted and taking his time. Marriage is very important to me and i feel i need to settle down. Is it fair to give him ultimatum without communicating this to him? If I have to communicate, how do i do it without coming out desparate or like am putting pressure on him. One sure thing is that he loves me alot and wouldnt want to lose me, but am tired of waiting, and get irritated when he comes out like am pusihing him when i ask. I need to have a family whilst am still young. Am 32
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): My girlfriend of one year just gave me the ultimatum. I declined. So now she's my ex-girlfriend. Dear Abby stated and I quote "Call her bluff, don't be stampeded. When your ready to be married you'll know". I'm really hoping that the break we're taking right now will allow her to realize the love we share is real. I miss her so much but I know if I break down and call her she will hold all the cards. I really don't know what to do. This sucks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for the advice, you have been so helpful to make me see things in a different light
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (8 July 2010):
 32 is not old enough to be terribly worried about a biological clock. One year is a very short amount of time! It's not giving someone an ultimatum if you don't tell them. It's giving YOURSELF an ultimatum for when to leave. If he skirts around the issue and won't talk about marriage, he may not be interested in it. And you can't force someone to marry you. You need to take it easy and just let things happen. You shouldn't go with your ex just because you want to get married. You're still young and if you try to push him he'll just pull away more.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (8 July 2010):
From a male point of view, this would be pretty outrageous and would prove that in no way are you marriage material. You can't just give a man an ultimatum to marry you or you'll go back to your ex. That's awful and shows how little you're focused on the love of a good marriage. And to do this behind his back is even worse. I don't think you're really ready for marriage with this man at all. You've barely been together for a year. If your ex is offering marriage, then go back. But don't ever play the game you're playing. You'll be the only loser.
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