A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Really need some advice about a friendship please.Friendship works both ways doesnt it? - Both ppl giving and taking?What if the taking is mainly done by one person? they dont even know that they do it, they have their own problems at the moment, and they are going though a lot, sometimes it seems they only see their own life, and arent thinking of being there for me. Ive been there for my friend through some bad times and seen her cry and her drunk,in physical pain and happy and sad. My friend (friend ONLY) and I get along well, can laugh and talk and spend time together, shes not good with emotions and will mainly tell a person that she appreciates them when shes relaxed after drinking, lke a lot of ppl i guess. she has been there for me, but not often - its all about her.. due to some back and hip and eyesight problems that cause her pain at times, and mean she can only work a few hours a week, she will soon have to give up work which is causing her a lot of emotional pain, before i knew her well, she has previously been a very work orientated person that didnt have many female friends - only boyfriends, she is single now.My friend knows that ill be there, and is too proud at times to ask for help, but does expect it, if that makes sense. if i disappeared she ask why. i dont want to forget her as a friend and I cant tell her she is too self absorbed, as I know why - she is going though so much. It would be good though if she would ask me how i am more, and put aside herself.but friendship is unconditional - isnt it? will she always be so self absorbed?I have been there for her as a friend through some tough times, ive seen her drunk, she is drinking more now to cope, seen her cry and seen her angry, ive just about seen the worst of her. Im ther to listen to her and to help when
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): An unconditional relationship of any kind exists in fantasy and scripted plays. The more ignorant a human being is to the infinite and intricate layering of the process of thoughts, logics and emotions, the more these particular individuals would adhere to an "unconditional" mentality.
Know that "ignorance" may not necessarily be a bad thing, just as "knowledge" may not necessarily be a good thing.
In other words, each person has something he or she wants from the other person. Either that be reciprocated feelings, actions, reactions, goals and so on and so forth, all of these things are what each person seeks in a relationship with other people.
The "relationship" is an unverbalized, unstated, undocumented 'contract' between two or more people. The substances that bind the 'contract' together are the pushes and pulls each person makes towards each other or together. Which further refines and redefines itself which forms the "history" and "experiences" we remember. In turn, they can become sentimental and memorable "history" and "experiences".
To clarify my words, each person is in their own binding contract with themselves. They have desires and goals they wish to fulfill with and without others. If you require your own contract be fulfilled with others, then know that it is 'better' to find and accept someone who shares similar mental and emotional substances as you do.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): this one sided friendship is not going to work, it id stressing you out, and that does not feel good. who wants a friend like that. the world does not revolves around her she is selfish and taking you for granted, and using you for your advice. we as society misuse the word friend. wanting to call everybody a friend this is not so. the kind of friend you'll have is the one your willing to be. She is the opposite of the word friend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): this is the author - sorry about the length - its long but i had to explain - any advice much appreciated thanks
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