A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello aunts,I realize that I´m setting myself up to be judged for my feelings, but I just wanted to clarify one thing. I would NEVER, EVER have an affair, or wreck someone´s home. I´m NOT like that. I´m so lost that I´m not sure what to ask, but I would in NO way seek to have an affair. I´m from the USA, but (no offense to anyone!) I´m not at ALL attracted to ´my own kind´(ie white American guys). I think that Mexican guys are absolutely amazing (I asked a question about this and someone on here was REALLY helpful).I´m teaching English in Mexico now, and I LOVE it and feel so thankful to be here. I love teaching and love the students (most of them). I´m feeling discouraged, though. I realize that I´m going to come across as a spoiled asshole, but I´m feeling sad because I have feelings for someone, but he´s one of my students... and he´s married! I would NEVER act on my feelings, because I have a conscience, but mostly because I don´t wanna ruin my career. I don´t know why anyone would ask strangers permission to have an affair, but I wouldn´t.The trouble is, this guy has qualities that I always dreamed of in the ideal guy. I always had my heart set on a handsome, Mexican guy, professional, someone athletic and active, caring, loving, romantic and intelligent.I know that people are going to suggest I find someone else, but I always had my heart set on a handsome Mexican guy with these qualities. I can´t act on my feelings (well I could, but I WON´T, because I´m NOT LIKE THAT) and I don´t see how I can be happy with someone else because I wanted a handsome Mexican guy with these traits, that this guy has.I feel jealous when I imagine him loving and being romantic with someone else. I keep thinking, when is it my turn to have someone? It makes me crazy.I understand that some disappointment is inevitable in life, but I´ve never had a man of my own, in my entire life. EVERY time I have feelings for some guy, he´s married, has a girlfriend, lives far away, doesn´t know I exist, or just isn´t interested. I have never had a relationship because the feeling has never been mutual. He only got married a year ago, and it makes me sad to think that if someone hadn´t snatched him up, I would still have had a chance with him. I keep wondering if maybe it was meant to be and just didn´t happen. I reiterate that I would NEVER get involved with a married guy, but I am feeling so sad. I KNOW I need to get over it and I´m acting like a spoiled asshole, but I know I´d be a wonderful girlfriend and I know exactly what I want in a guy. I have all this love in my heart, but no one wants to take it.I´ve never felt like I belonged in American culture. People tell me that it´s the natural thing for a Mexican guy to want a woman from his own culture, that they have things in common and that people are meant to be with those who share their culture. I am in no way racist but the thought of settling down with an American white guy makes my heart sink. I won´t have an affair but I certainly won´t settle for someone I don´t want either. I wish and wish I were Hispanic so that I wouldn´t have to deal with cultural boundaries. I know my own heart and what kind of guy I could be attracted to. I don´t want to settle down with an American white guy who works at UPS, watches (American) football (the kind with helmets) and makes rude comments like ´´dancing is for girls.´´ People who know me tell me that it´s wrong and unnatural for me to set my sights on someone from another culture, even if he´s available, but this makes me feel so confused. My heart is not in American culture but I feel very circumscribed because of my birth. Even if the guy were available I feel like my chances would be slim because I´d be looked upon as an American.I would never have an affair but I can´t make my sadness go away either. I want to share my life, and this guy has all these qualities that I searched for all my life, and he isn´t available. I don´t want to bite the bullet and settle for someone I don´t want, I can´t do anything immoral. I´ve met other guys, who don´t have anyone and act interested, but then seem to have lost interest. I feel so confused!Is feeling sad my only option? I am really a loving person, but nobody seems to want my love. I wish that just once, things could work out for me to have someone. Thanks if you can help me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): I`m the original poster.
I know in my heart that I would never do that, even if nobody believes me. I`m not asking... should I go for it. I guess I should clarify that my question is, how can I ever be happy?
What I`m trying to say is that I`m sick of being sad. I know that I`m a really loving person.
I know in my heart that I`m not attracted to American guys. I want someone who will dance cumbia with me and speak to me in Spanish. In spite of what anyone says, I KNOW I don`t want to date American guys. I mean no offense to them, I just don`t click with them.
How can I be happy with someone else? I KNOW I`d never pursue this guy, but I had my heart set on a handsome latino. I get that having affairs is wrong and I would NOT, I repeat, NOT do that, but I don`t want to settle down with an American guy either.
A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (29 December 2010):
 You have got to control your self in a big way. You say you would never go with a married man. He is married, you must stick to your guns. people say they won't go with a married man, that is until one comes along who they fancy. No one knows who they are going to fall for until that person shows up in their life, we can't plan that, it just happens. But he is your student, I don't know what the protocol is in Mexico, but it's not professional to mix with students/tutors in relationships. It is crossing the line in that respect also. You have stereotyped all Americans as your reason for not wanting one for a boyfriend. It sounds like you have a massive crush on this guy and it's heightened by the fact he is not available for you. You need an outlet, somewhere that you can go to give you the chance to meet other people similar ages and make friendships. You must keep the married guy in the classroom and look elsewhere for love. You love your job, you don't want to jeaopadize it.
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