A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Wife of 8 years loves to shop and in recent weeks has been wearing more and more provocative clothes when when she goes out. It all started with a diet contest with one of her friends. She always lost to her friend and said no matter what she would win the money bet. Eight weeks of workouts and gobs of diet pills she looks super hot; now all she talks about is her body and fitting into her size 5 jeans from the past. Now her clothes keep getting tighter and more revealing, shopping gets longer and later. Its like she obsessed with flirting, teasing, and having men look at her; that's all I ever her about. I have had several talks with her but its always somehow harmless fun that gets her energized and should make me feel lucky. I need suggestions on my approach - her actions are getting to a dangerous level
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2020): After I read this I was like whattttt??? Dude you sound so controlling...I mean really really controlling.You are saying her actions are getting to a dangerous level.That actually makes you sound like an abuser.I am worried for your wife.Look you trust her or not.But if you do not let her go so she can find someone who will.She is happy...She lost weight which is very hard to do.Her self esteem is high because of this.You feel like you have lost control over het.Newsflash..She was never anyone's to control in the first place.Let her be happy for her weight loss.Do not compete with her weight loss...see how silly that sounds??but that is what you are doing.You should be happy for her.Instead you act like a spoiled child who lost his toy.Just stop it or you will lose her and yes it will be all your fault.Stop it.Grow up.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2020): It's all temporary. She's going through a phase. When her self-esteem hit rock-bottom; all she needed was the kind of motivation her friend offered to get her to address something about her appearance she apparently had a problem with. Well, now you're dealing with the overkill that comes with seeing yourself in a positive-light for the first-time in a long-time.
The conceit is a temporary-condition; and if she has an attention-deficiency...well, that's your department!
No, you don't have to feel lucky about her overspending, flirting with random men, and acting out-of-control. She might be a little doped-up and hyperactive! Diet pills contain amphetamines; and they can do a lot of damage to the body. They can cause kidney-failure and heart-palpitations!
When you find you can't talk to a person; because they're out of their minds, and they've lost all sense of reason. You get a small group of family together, and have an intervention. Keep it all in the family, only those who have witnessed the wild behavior! Maybe her mom, a sister, and the friend whom she's competing with. It's best to hear it from women at this point. She has bought into the hype that she's what men want, and being hot is what life's all about. She may have always had a wild-streak; and her alter-ego has burst out of the closet for the first-time in ages! You know...what we call the "inner-ho!" We all got-it! It's our ego!
Don't gang-up on her; but get support from the most positive people who have the most influence in her life; and seek their help in slowly bringing her back down to earth.
Uhm...where can she wear revealing-clothing when just about all businesses have closed, have limited patronage, close early, or hardly have any customers during the covid-pandemic? Why has losing a little weight gone to her head so profoundly? There are some issues there that might benefit from some professional-counseling.
I hope you're not a swivel-necked skirt-chasing flirt, or a porn-monger! This might just be some payback, bro!
Don't gaslight your wife, or bully her into submission. It's just a phase people go through who have body-image issues; and need to come to terms with aging. Suppressed feelings of ineptness, low self-esteem, and the brainwashing of modern society with regard to looks and appearance.
If you have joint-credit, I would recommend you either put a temporary freeze or use-alerts on your credit cards! Monitor your bank balances with text alerts. Let her spend her own hard-earned money as she pleases; just don't bother chipping-in when she's above her head in debt! When she decides she wants to go on vacation and enjoy dining out; refuse until all the credit balances are paid-off. You can't stop her from spending her own money. You can control what's joined with your accounts! Yours is hers, and what's hers is yours; but not when she's spending over-budget and wildly splurging!
This will all wear-off. She'll tire of the dieting, showing-off, the weight will return, and life will resume as normal. If you've neglected to let your wife know she's appealing to you, or don't show her spontaneous affection; and you've been distant and inattentive. You reap what you sow!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2020): She is disrespectful of you and your marriage. It sounds like you have voiced your concerns and she has dismissed you.I guess the real question is how much disrespect are you willing to tolerate?
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