A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing someone for about 2 years.. He is a commitment phobe and doesnt want kids.. I want commitment.. And I have 2 kids. Its not like he didnt notice.. But anyway.. We spend so much time together.. We are very happy together.. He shows me love but doesnt always say it.. He has though. Usually while drinking. Ive been involved in his life and met his family etc etc and they love my kids and i. Its only ever been official between us once.. And that was for a few months.. He freaked out and ended it.. But nothing changed between us. I have always seen us as a couple but theres always been hurt there that he didnt.. I felt special enough to him. He did come out of a bad relationship before I came along but so did i.. I recently found out he met up with a few different women.. He promised nothing sexual came of it.. I sort of seen it as he had always been that type but was he trying to work out if since me that changed? Right now he has taken a few weeks off from seeing me. I was really hurt. He says he hates hurting me. Is he collecting his thoughts and thinking about committing? As I had recently spoken to him about it being time to make a decision. We still talk.. The week before this he told me he loves me. Im confused. Ive been keeping myself distracted and sorting my own thoughts out too. I know he thinks once you declare your love for someone everything turns to nothing.. That you then as a couple become unhappy.. I have alot of emotions and speak my mind.. He is opposite. Everything was good and now I just feel rejected. I just cant help but wonder what all this means. Above all we are best friends.. Isnt that what creates the best kind of happiness?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs hard as it is to read that some of it is true.. Its just hard to accept when you feel you mean so much to someone. I guess until he speaks his mind and makes a few changes I wont really know how much I do mean. I have sort of taken your advice and hopefully I have some answers soon. Thanks :)
A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (23 January 2011):
 I'm wondering why he is feeling the need to have a few weeks off from seeing you. I'm also thinking he is seeing other women for more than just friendship. I think he knows you wil be there for him, so he is having fun, knowing he can always come back and pick up where he left off because he knows you love him. In other words I think he is taking advantage of you. He is confusing the heck out of you with his on off attitude. If and when he comes back wanting to start off where he left, then use that as a tool to get what you want from the relationship, tell him you will decide what you want before he gets the go ahead, like reverse the situation on him. It might shake him up a bit.
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