A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is a question for the men around!I have read info basically saying that commitment is different for men and women. Apparently - women are looking for the RIGHT man to come along before they get married, whereas men are waiting for the right time of their lives to come along before they are READY to get married.. and will then pretty much get hitched to the next half decent woman to come along.Does this sound correct? Do you agree?If not,Say you've met a girl, been seeing each other for a couple on months and have had the talk and made the relationship official.. what are the attributes you look for in her, in order for the relationship to get more serious?What sort of things are men looking for in order for them to want to commit to a woman?Thanks boys! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Undisclosed  +, writes (13 May 2008):
 Q1 Are women looking for the right mate whereas men are looking for the right time?I do not agree. I think that by large most men, like women, ultimately want and desire to be in a meaningful and romantic relationship in their life. I don’t think the important question is whether there is a difference of interests, as I believe they are one and the same, but really how our culture’s social clock has evolved.Thinking in these terms, I believe this is the heart of the issue and the face result is only a consequence of this. Women consider their age, the timeliness of their youthful beauty, their ability to bear children, the comparative pressure of the relatively shorter social clocks of their mothers and key cultural figures, their current and increasing need for close companionship. Men do not consider the timeliness of their appearance as much as women, they are not as constrained about when to have children as women are. Men consider their increasing ability to act as the provider in a relationship which usually reaches an acceptable level of comfort at a later stage than when women are ready to commit. I short, society as it stands now, makes wives of women sooner than it makes husbands of men.We act as a result of these circumstances sometimes at great emotional stress. In the all too common gap between women who have been “ready” for a while and me who are not ready” for a relationship, arguments arise. Both sides are asking why: “Why the hold up?” , “Why the rush?”I do not believe men want to commit to the very best mate any less than women do. I believe that several factors complicate mating and these cultural factors are just some among many. I believe it’s important that you communicate your thoughts, feelings and expectations with your partner so as to best understand each other’s footing.Q2 What sort of things are men looking for in order for them to want to commit to a woman?I haven’t committed to marriage yet so I’m going to leave this question for the men who already have and are best placed to answer it.There are a few of things that I consider:1. Passion (Superficial as it may be, it’s the way things are and passion is the glue that will keep you together it the very tough times. Without it you would be furious at your mate as you would a friend. In these empty moments where everything has been razed bare inside, you will feel every lean inch of the passion that draws you to a women at the very core of you; proud and unwavering.)2. Strong interpersonal skills (Our relationship is neither her, nor me, but something completely new that we create between us. It is that and can be nothing more. Open communication and empathic and sincere exchanges are what nurture it and allow us to draw from it a source of strength rather than be drain from it)3. Personality (Compatibility, Experiencing the different spheres of each other’s lives, my gut feeling as how we will evolve and progress together in our common life)I hope things work out on your end!All the best.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): A lot of young guys are at least as "romantic" about marriage as females are if not more. They walk around expecting to someday find that perfect total awestruck love with the right girl.
But the age thing is real. I think both sexes definitely walk around thinking "commitment is great but definitely not for me right now" for a long time in their youth. Females just seem to pass out of this stage at a younger age than a lot of males do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): First, I've noticed when I was younger, late teens, that women just wanted to get married and have children. Men on the other hand, realized that they had to be the sole provider and may realize they are not capable. Why? Because they lack the education and skills to land a good paying job, and don't want to be in a situation that causes undo stress to themselves and there family, so they wait or run.
What I've looked for in a woman is a trust worthy partner. One who doesn't flirt with other men, whereby, they bring there beliefs (other men) into my world, jeopordizing the foundation and bond of the family. One who is compassionate and caring to my needs, who will accept me as is, and willing to work together to strengthen and grow with each other; willing to become better selves, which will compliment the family structure. I've noticed that if we take on others views an opinions, and the other partner is not included and able to disucss the merits, then the partner begins to feel their partner has become two people in one body. Something like that anyways.
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