A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,Me and my boyfriend have been together for roughly 19 months and things recently started to go wrong. Now, last year he broke up with me just all of a sudden, because he had a lot of other personal issues and could not think clearly at all, he regretted it and we got back together two weeks later. Two days ago he told me he was not in a good mood (I had sensed that) and I asked him to tell me what is wrong. He said he felt as much as we loved each other, he feared we may not be compatible (we had been in lots of partly stupid fights in the past 3/4 months). He said he did not know what to do. Last year, when he immaturely broke up, I did not contact him for two weeks upon which he did and wanted to get back together with me. The past two days he visited me for an hour or so and talked things through with me. As much as He has a point in that we were quarreling I never saw a reason to throw away everything. Yesterday I acted all cold and he kept calling me three times and seemed to be scared since I told him I have to think about whether I still want ro be with him. Today i got emotional and he seemed rather calm and OK. i dont know how to act tomorrow. Shall we see each other again? He said he fears he will "conclude" and accept that we have to break up if we do not keep contact, but at the same time it could work exactly the other way round. Also, he said that he misses me and keeps telling me how he feels but says if we completely cut off contact he will assume and accept it is over and conclude it. The problems we have are mainly my jealousy since he has had sex with others before, I have not. But looking at it now, it seems very stupid, and it only ever occured in these months when we were quarreling. Before that, when I felt loved and everything, I rarely thought about this. So thats why I think it could be overcome as well (I dont have the desire to have sex with anybody else, but I feel inferior to him - stupid!).Also, he says because of the fights, he says the kindOf relationship level and desire to be in one has faded. However, that was the same last year when he ALSO had major familyIssues (deaths). To be honest, it seems a bit like last year, where he was too immature and thought too much and did not see anything else except for his fear. He tells me he wants security and could imagine marrying me, but he is having major fears and is panicking every now and then. Of course I have also thought about this, i mean, i am young and things would be easier if we just broke up now and got back together in a year. But i love him and cherish him and do not see why we cannot be together. Maybe a break is the best, but I am unwilling to let him go forever. Please help!!!! Thank you ! I hope not all is lost :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, kata1l  +, writes (21 June 2012):
I think maybe a mutually agreed upon breather would be a good thing for you both. Then you would have time to think about whether this relationship is fulfilling your needs and ways to improve your self esteem. It is not a man's job to make you have value, you can only do that for yourself. If it is meant to be, it will still be there in 6 months or so. Take time to process your feelings and worries on your own time, and you will be more clear about what road you should take.
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