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female
age
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anonymous
writes:I met my son-in-laws brother a year ago, he is 16 years younger than me, he is the most intelligent, loving, amazing man I have ever met, he said age is nothing but a number, and just because my daughter and his brother are married does not make he and I related. We truly love each other, want to spend the rest of our lives together. There is an electricity that flows when we are together, I don't want to ever think about not being with him, ever. I Love Him!!! Is this taboo??? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): Well, if you are 41 that makes him (eh... wait a minute I can do this) 25. For males that means he is reasonably mature (every female reader: HA!) and there really shouldn't be a taboo anymore. What two adults do is their business.
It would be different if he were say 18, that is craddle robbing. but two full adults only a few freaks would object to that.
But you have to consider the practical issues. The age range leaves a lot of room, but lets be honest, you are closing in rapidly on your menopause while he might still not have a full beard. Say he wants kids when he is 30, are you still going to be capable?
Lets be honest, spend the rest of your life together in this case means spends the rest of YOUR life together because you will die before him by quite a large margin. This is often a problem with may-december relations, it works for a decade or so and then the older partner REALLY becomes old.
But that is for you two to figure out. After all, he could get a stroke tomorrow and it be him that is going to be in a nursing home, not you. True love should be able to conquer that.
But be really certain, because if you are not, you could really get your heart broken. Although personally I think it is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all. Go for it. Two adults are free to choose their own lives and let anyone who thinks differently go to hell.
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male
reader, H2H +, writes (16 March 2008):
Love simply is ... regardlesss of race, religion, gender, politics and even age (as long as it isn't underage.) Although there's a difference between 30 and 46, but it's workable.Whatever is going on is real for both of you.As for what other people will think, it's your life.My brother once called me to get my reaction to the possibility of marrying a woman most would fight objectionable. (He was in the Navy, she lived in the Philippines. I knew the family would be horrified.)The words flew out of my mouth "If she's good for you, go for it." And I had nothing else to say. If the answer is "Yes" then the rest is merely details that will have to be dealt with in their own time and place.A wise friend once told me: Take care of love, and love will take care of you.All the best.--H2H
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioncrunchapple, if it were me, I would send him a letter everyday, said in many different ways, to say how much my body, heart, soul and mind - love, trust, want, miss, need, and yearn for him, I wouldn't let him set for one minute more wondering if he should take his friends and families advice. He is confused it's true, so don't let them dictate your relationship ok. Get busy!
rhythmandblues2, Thank you for that great advice, now here is some for you... Don't wait for him to surprise you, he might be waiting on a response from you!
Also Thank you: A male reader, anonymous, Laura1318, dearkelja, Jendorset, Ask oldersister, purple1234, Fairy_Lu, thatgothgirl20, rhythmandblues2, crunchapple I hope I helped you out. "Not taboo. Not the problem. The problem is he is not sincere. He wants to go to bed with you." Yeah, and the things he will do I know will blow my mind, but he also wants a future with me, he ask me to be his wife!!!
Love and Peace
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): I once had a relationship with a woman who was 9 years older than me, and it was great. So I would say as long as you both feel the same way about each other, pursue your relationship and don't worry about what others think. If they tell you they don't approve, tell them you have to live your own life, and who the hell are they to tell you how to live your life? Your daughter and son-in-law should respect your decision just as you respected their decision to marry each other. Tell them if they truly love you, they will support you in this decision. Bottom line is that you and this younger man are fully consenting adults and can do whatever you want. If your daughter and son-in-law don't like it, that is their problem and not yours, no matter how much they try to make it your problem.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (15 March 2008):
Others may not feel it is taboo, but you still have to win your daughter and SIL to your side.
Other's thoughts may not be important but these two important person can make your life miserable.
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female
reader, crunchapple +, writes (15 March 2008):
My sister is married to a man 17 years younger than her and he took on 3 kids as well. When they got engaged, I told my sister she was crazy. They have now been married for 13 years, have 1 child together, a vibrant sex life and he is an amazingly kind, carring father and husband. Funnily enough, 2 and a half years ago, I met a man 15 years younger than myself. Both of us are unusual people and found passion and love. He recently told his parents, family and friends and tow months later, broke up with me because "I am not good for him", "we have no future together" and "it is too much sacrifice for both of us(he has always wanted a big family)". Both of us are totally devastated. I can't say anything in response since my life is complicated and I can't blame him for running away. But he is a wreck. He is going through a complete breakdown about what he is going to do with his life, trying to find his way. We still see each other every other day. He tried to move to Europe and was back in a week but he keeps his distance, has no phone where I can reach him and surrounds himself with the people who don't approve of me. I am putting my life back together by investing in myself and trying to mourn like he were dead because the man who loved me is non-existant right now and I am unable to help him with what he is going through. He cries a lot and I cry a lot. We both feel like dying. I wish he would just come "home", leave the bastards who never understood him anyway and live his life day by day as if there is no tomorrow because none of us know what that day will bring. Maybe I'm just a dreamer. I have no closure. I am in pain. Arghhhhhh!!!!!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): Not taboo. Not the problem. The problem is he is not sincere. He wants to go to bed with you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): Well, I am going through sort of a break up with a much younger man, so I know what this is all about. I don't think there is anything at all wrong with it, I especially liked him very much and felt he was more compatible with me then men my own age, and he liked my intelligence and maturity. I will say this one thing, however, be careful that he is not using you or playing on your emotions to get something from you. My guy had some financial problems and although he never asked me for money, since I had more I was the one who bought an occassional expensive gift for him and even though he accepted those gifts, I think he secretly resented them...he feels stupid or less of a man I think because I have more even though I don't attempt to make him feel this way. With those role reversals it is a bit tricky, especially if you grew up in a conservative part of the country like I did where those roles are rigidly defined.
I think it takes work like any relationship and trust, but just be sure that he doesn't see you as a temporary fix to a temporary problem and that you show him the admiration and respect that he deserves and that he doesn't take you for granted....sometimes the grass starts to look greener to a younger man....if you know what I mean.. Remember that you are the older one in the relationship and sometimes he has to be comfortable with you in the driver's seat instead of him, so it can be a challenge...it just depends on the two of you and how you work out that power struggle in your relationship, mine is going south, but I do love him, and if I could love enough for both of us we might make it through, but sometimes you have to let go to let him sort his own problems out without your help and then sit back and hope to be surprised by him.
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female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (15 March 2008):
 I do not think it is taboo. Age is a number. Really once you get past 30, you know what you want and age shouldn't matter. These days it is becomming harder and harder to guess women's ages. It is likely no one will even see the difference, especially if you two are in love.
I dated a guy 15 years younger and it was a wonderful experience. Neither one of us cared and I don't think anyone really could tell. We were more compatible than most men my own age. I think he would say that too about women his age. Now, I will tell you my mom, daughter and some friends raised their eyebrows about it and thought the difference was too much. But several other friends were giving me the high 5.
Go for it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe is 30 and I am 46.
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female
reader, Jendorset  +, writes (14 March 2008):
GO FOR IT. I know a couple and there is a 20 year difference between them. Yet they have had a long lasting marriage and everything you could want together. No matter what anyone says, its your choice and if anyone is mad about it, when they see you happy together...they are bound to be happy for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, I guess I expected to hear what I've been hearing from my daughter and son-in-law... that it is just wrong because it's taboo. O.k, looks like I can relax and just be in love then - THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess I expected to get totally blasted for loving him. He told me he doesn't care who knows he loves me.
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female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (14 March 2008):
 You love him? He loves you? Your happy?He is happy? I see no problem you shouldnt sacrifice your happiness because of what some people may think, Life is only temporary you should enjoy it before its over
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reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (14 March 2008):
 Probably for some people it is, but who cares what other people think?
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