A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey guys i need advice. ive been involved with a married woman for about 7 months. i know its wrong but hear what i have to say please. we started off as friends good friends. talking everyday spending a few hours together. and i started falling for her hard. shes beautiful kind a good mother does anything for friends. She's a good person. but i diddn't act on my feelings. i found out everything about her husband to be able to say that he is a waste of space. fighting 24/7 making her cry, gets mad when friends or her family. and all he wants is sex all the time not even caring if she wants to or not. he goes home and plays video games all day. i know his story the whole thing. hes confused why she gets mad. why she isnt attracted to him. clueless his wife hates him. i tried helping i wanted her happy. things to try take her out show passion i told him dont come home and ignore her. he did everything i offerd. she told us her friends. she appreciated he's doing these things. but its too late she dosent even care anymore. she dosent love him at all. the reason they got married was they were living together and instead of breaking up we said lets get married. no propseal no ring no romance. she wishes she said no she hated him. she started making plans for seperation. she started being more social with us. having fun with us movies kareoke bars. i was glad but sad for her. she was in pain it hurt me too. i finally asked her one night if shes ok can i help. she stared at me with a look ive never seen. point taken i said geting up. but out of nowhere she tells me she loves me. im thinking its the boose but she hasnt drink anything. she takes my hand asks me to sit. our friends were off for the night. she began telling me everything how she felt she was in love with me she had been for a long time. nobody makes her smile like me nobody makes her shake like me shes sorry she diddnt tell me sooner she was trying to make it work with him for their daughter sake. she said my name during sex thinking its me. but their marrige is over i hope he knows she says. she moves closer im sorry she tells me. i take her face i tell her i love you. she looks at me and we kiss what seemed like forever. we became madly in love seeing each other everyday hearing those 3 words made her shake i felt it and seen it. over these 7 months she was making moving arrangements not sleeping in the same room with him. i love her so much it hurts. she got me to sing one night at this bar with our friends.i sang one more dance by boyz 2 men when i sang it thinking of her. when i was done everybody including the bartender was quiet and i sat down and clapping started. since then ive become a vocalist thanks to her. she told me i made her happy made her feel wanted loved. we decide not to make love til she moves out. but we had problems her husband made her feel guilty telling her she dosent try she makes him feel less. causing her to break up with me 3 times. but ever lasting more than a week. she would tell me shes sorry i just feel guilty. even though they are geting seperated. i forgave her and we back together. but one night we went out to the beach best night ever. we kissed held eachother and talked all night. i asked her to marry me in a year. on one knee holding her hand. yes yes i will. she kissed me so much passion. the next day we went out to breakfast. she got a phone call from her husband. he was yelling calling our friends jerks saying she is his wife. she was yelling at him she say i was in love with you and wanted you. i remained silent. she didnt want me to touch her after that. later that day i get a text her telling me this is to much going on for her to do this. i was crushed. her husband just cant let her go. i was so upset i went to sleep holding he picture in my hand. i wake up around 3 am i read that text a million times. i was so confused. why did she do this. being partly emotionly drunk i sent her texts long texts. saying how much i love her reminding everything she told me. she was sick this i wasnt aware of. she calls me crazy insane ive changed. i try calling her no answer. i leave her a message telling her i love her not to treat me this way not knowing i was crying. she says ive completly changed deleting my fb texts and skype. we tried being friends fter. she said i dont know the differnce but i never changed the way i was its the way i was always torwards her since i met her. me sending texts asking how shes feeling she was sick. i asked her if she would tell me if something was wrong. once again im crazy she says. so i decided no contact. in the 2 weeks of nc my friends tell me shes fine she laughing talking to them. i told my best friend a mutal friend everything. he tried helping but she felt betrayed i told him. ever since she hates me. it bothers me shes not affected by this. moving back with him. acting like i never exsisted. ive seen her since she goes home when im with our friends. i just stoped going out. she asks about me sometimes ive been told but i dont know if its that true. i miss her friendship most of all but no she shows me nothing telling me she loves him not me. we cant be friends she say. in these 2 weeks of nc she hasnt tried contacting me. my question is what caused this why did she choose him why is she not affected by this. im slowly geting over it i miss the company most of all. if someone can help me please do
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2013): You knew it was wrong, yet you did it anyway. First stupid move. You got yourself wrapped up in a cheater, and cheater's lie. Second stupid move. You believed all and everything she told you. Third stupid move.
I'm sorry you got yourself into this mess. And I'm sorry you got your heart broken.
I hope in time you can heal your wounds and you will learn from this experience.
If you are not sure what the lesson is I will spell it out for you: Don't touch an attached/married women with a ten foot pole, no matter what they tell you or how they come on to you. They can never be trusted. There are never any excuses or justifications for someone cheating on their partner/spouse.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok ok sorry im just hurt like you said. for future relationships il be wiser including this new one. sorry i reposted i diddnt get the email til now sorry guys
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni never posted this but thank you guys ive began a relationship with someone since i was foolish but i dont see why you guys said i posted this before
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A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (25 April 2013):
 You posted about the same problem just a few days ago and got some excellent advice from a number of people, with a lot of practical steps that you can take to make your life better, and it makes me sad that you seem to have just completely ignored that advice. You need to cut this woman out of your life, which isn't difficult because she has already done the same to you. So you need to delete her number, delete ALL her texts and emails (do not keep one or two because they mean so much to you, or in case you want to reminisce one day - delete all of them), delete or destroy any photos you have, anything of hers that you have at your house etc. Stop listening to Boyz ii Men because that will remind you of her. Buy some new music and listen to that. Do things. Reconnect with old friends (not mutual friends with her) or try to make new friends, take up sports if you haven't already, get fit, learn to cook, read books, read self-help books if you like, get a job, volunteer, talk to a counselor - whatever helps. You need to eliminate her from your life and then distract yourself as much as you can until you feel stronger and happier in your own skin. This isn't even really about her. It's about your relationship with yourself. You mentioned in the other post that you were bullied at school. I guess that your self-esteem, in particular with regards to women, is very low. This woman came along and gave you attention and said the right things and you fell for her hard because you wanted to be loved. The problem is that what she said wasn't real. Think about it. You are hung up on a person with no morals or values. She is a liar and a cheat. She cannot be trusted. She was cheating on her husband with you and lying to him. I think it's safe to assume that most of what she told you was a pack of lies. If her husband is so bad she can divorce him, children or no children. Lots of people do. They don't have affairs. She is still with him, so that means that she either wants to be with him but wants to be able to have some young guy - basically just a plaything, because that's what you were to her and she's probably moved on to someone else by now - on the side, or she stays with him because he has something she wants, like money, for example. You have every right to feel hurt, of course you do, because she tricked you. You can't help that in hindsight. What you can control is your reaction to this. Taking control of your life is an empowering thing and it will help you to grow up and grow as a person. Make a promise to yourself that your life is going to get better and that you are not going to allow anyone to treat you the way she did. Make a promise also that you will never, ever go near a married woman again, because there is a danger that it will become a pattern. I have a girlfriend who has been involved with four different married men. She says she doesn't go looking for them but they seem to come to her. The real reason is that she doesn't value herself enough to believe that she deserves her own man, not someone else's. Until she truly realises that and decides to change, she will continue to hurt people and hurt herself. Don't go down that road. Take the advice that is given you and change your life.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (25 April 2013):
I swear you just posted this.
Anyways, you should never believe everything a cheater tells you, which you clearly did. If she's lying to her husband and the father of her children what makes you think she won't do the same to you?
If her decision making skills are so bad that she got herself married and pregnant to a guy she claims she didn't love, what hope do the two of you have?
She isn't who you think she is, now that you know that you need to stop putting her on a pedestal. Stop romanticizing her.
You'll get over her sooner than later.
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