A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm An African American guy married to a German woman.but we are having serious issues. Been married now for 6 years.our relationship was cool when I was stationed in Germany but now back in the states things are difficult.We have had issues for a while but since we moved back to the states she has been difficult. Its obvious she is unhappy with the states and she is home sick. Plus our cultural difference just to be minor but now they are overwhelming. I know she feels the same. Our love life has crash hard. Recently I have been working with a lot of women(black,white American women). 2 particular women have shown lots of interest in me. I have not pursued anything with either woman and they both have left hints and "offers" to get closer. I have never cheated on my wife. But it just feels so great to have a woman relate to me. My wife and I talk about these kinds of things but I haven't told my wife this and I'm not sure I want to. What should I do.
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female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (1 June 2010):
 You've received a lot of good advice here, and I think Male Anon hit on something important. Just as you enjoy having people around who can relate to you, your wife also needs to be part of a community that shares her heritage culture. Investigate German Cultural groups that she can become involved in. It will help her feel less isolated and homesick and ease her adjustment to life in the States.
She's on your "home territory" now so to speak; have you done anything to help her get adjusted? Rather than seek attention outside of your marriage, put some time and energy into your relationship with the woman you married. Don't throw away six years on some skanks who obviously don't respect themselves enough to stay away from married men.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 May 2010):
 *kind of woman (not money, why did I ever write that)
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (31 May 2010):
Are you seriously considering cheating? Or are you here because you feel how much you miss female interaction and wondering how you can get it back from your wife? So your wife is not relating to you, in what ways is she not relating to you? Im sorry, but I can't quite understand the full question, perhaps you could describe better what it is you are struggling with? What is it that leads you to think the issue lies within the cultural difference, when it was all good when you lived in Germany? That she is home sick, has she not ever suggested moving back? How do you feel about that? Is that what is really the issue here?
And, if it is so that the issue is that she wishes to move, while you dont, why is that? And do you want to make things work between your wife and yourself?
One piece of advice: dont get involved with anyone as long as you are married. You will only complicate your life and show disrespect. May I also add in that these women that show interest in you are slutty since they pursue a married man. Unless of course they are unaware that you are married. Is that really what kind of money you would want in your life, who lacks respect for marriage? They are certainly not marriage material as you can tell. So what would you want them for anyway?
Think carefully about what you seek before you take action.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2010): What should you do??? Be a MAN in NOT cheat on YOUR wife!!!
Also, might want to think about marriage counseling.
Is there any social clubs that you and your wife can join? Is there any social clubs your wife can join? Maybe find out if their is some type of German/German-American culture club your wife can join in your area.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (31 May 2010):
 Would you give us a few examples of what you consider- or she considers- overwhelming cultural differences ?
(Personally I have trouble figuring that out, as an European who took to the States like a duck to the water)
I am asking because if it is something predictable, like missing her family, or her favourite foods, or having trouble with the language, well, it's nothing that cannot be solved, with time, patience and tlc.
If it's like two opposite life visions, then is different and it may really wreck a marriage- but I don't imagine what can be so very different from Germany....
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (31 May 2010):
I think you need to tell your wife that the crash in your love life is having an effect on you. It's understandable the way you feel and it's understandable the way that she feels. I don't think you should tell her that these women have been leaving "hints" for you (I assume they know you're married?).
Besides just talking to your wife, maybe try and set up a romantic date. Try and rekindle the flame you used to have. Go on a trip--just try to get some alone time where you can just focus on each other and maybe she can feel better about where you are now. Get involved and find a hobby or sport you two can do together. You're proably all that she has in the states and it's probably very lonely for her--so it makes the transition even harder.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2010): Don't cheat!! That's so cruel. She is obviously not feeling at home so why not go back to Germany. I guess that depends how much you love her and judging by you wanting to start an affair thts not much.
This sounds a bit like it's over. But seriously listen to other people I'm just 18!!
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