A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello I posted on here before about a couple of things and got some helpful answers so I'm back again hoping for some insight.I'm on an internet dating and friendship site and not quite sure how to approach it all as I've never done it before. I met various people, including one guy in particular I really like. We've talked a lot and agreed to meet and we seem to have a good 'understanding' which is nice. The only thing is I know he still flirts on the site here and there (I have too) and he has a couple of dates with women, including me.What expectations should I have? I was a bit 'put out' to hear he was planning to meet for 3 dates in total, including me! I have a couple of dates planned too but so far he is my favourite one! One of my friends, who spoke to him said she didn't believe he had all these women planning to meet him as it sounded like he was showing off a bit but it didn't quite 'ring right'. Anyway if we are planning to meet someone whom we have known for 4 months on the net, for a date, having agreed we really get on, am I wrong to be 'put out' about him meeting a couple of other women, if he is!I live in the UK and he lives in Italy and I am only meeting him because I happen to be with friends in Italy at the end of the month, otherwise we would have had to wait anyway. He told my friend he had a couple of girls from the site travelling from Ireland to meet him in July/August but she thought he was just making it up, like fantasy as she said 'i do not believe he is so full of women flying to see him'!I guess what I am asking is, re internet dating, until we have actually MET a person and agreed we want some sort of relationship with them, do we just accept that they may still date other people in the meantime, or at the same time as us?? I'm a bit wary as I DO really like him so far but don't want to get too disappointed .... I was even considering not meeting him this time but maybe next time when i'm in Italy which will be the autumn.......... Any comments would be really appreciated as I've got myself a bit anxious about it all ... I have had a bad experience with my long term partner and we split up in February so I am quite wary about getting hurt ... Thanks )
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): You should have no expections at all. You should treat this situation as if your dating a stranger you kept meeting in the park. Your not romantically involved yet, you and he have the right to do anything with anyone you want. He might not even like you, he could be rude and walk away. Keep yourself safe at all times, and good luck. A date is a date, and what the future holds, well who knows.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): I tried internet dating once.
Met an incredible guy. We clicked straight away. Moved in together a month later.
And were planning a big holiday at the end of the year (2months later).
I was so in love. Felt so amazing to be like this at age 35.
But he remained on the site, even though I had removed my profile.
I confronted him, and he said he had forgotten it was still there and he would delete it. Then I checked and it was still there. HE then said he couldnt delete it due to a fault in the system and as it is dormant, he will just leave it until his subscription ran out. I didnt want to make a big deal, so left it.
Then I found him checking out the site again. He said there were women writing to him, and he just thought it would be polite to write back and tell them that he is already taken. I asked him again to remove his profile, now saying that it is important to our relationship that he does. He then "wrote to the webmaster" saying that he couldnt delete his profile. He told me that he got a reply that they are working on it.
Anyway, in an unrelated issue, one day he was on the computer, I asked him how he kept track of all his passwords. And he said easy, he uses the same one for everything.
I saw him install a program on the computer and he typed his name and 123 as a password.
A week later his profile was still there. We were sleeping together and going away in a weeks time.
I tried his password and it worked. I had access to his profile. And he was still writing to women. Telling each of them how apprehensive he was at meeeting up with them, because he "has never done anything like this before", and the women were encouraging him that it would be ok. And he was telling them how he was going away on holiday alone and how he was going to be so bored. That while he was going with me...
It was such a shock.
He was meeitng women while he lived with me. And I tought he was going to work.
I threw him out. I cried for weeks. But it was the right thing to do.
I still miss him 2 years later.
These sites just makes it so easy to cheat...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): I can understand that you are slightly worried and with reason; internet dating has it's risks; unfortunately this is long distance too;
I suggest you meet the guy; get to know him in person; but I will not completely ignore the fact that he might be meeting the other ladies as well; I suggest, when you meet with him; you be very carefull in not getting head overheels in love; or do not get to physical; take your time; I f you still like him after the meeting; stay in controll of your emotions; in this situation you will have to give it TIME; with time you will know if he is still dating others or not; when you go back in autumn; if you still like him and got to know him better and are happy that he is not dating others; then, it might be a better time to consider getting more involved;
For now; first meet him; maybe you don't even like him; but even if you do; tread water; take it easy and SLOW;
Best wishes and lots of SMILES;
Keep us posted
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