A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So me and my boyfriend have been together for roughly a year, we have had ups and downs like any couple. I am quite insecure and this is something that constantly causes a problem between us. When we first got together I had no worries at all, but as the honeymoon period wore off I started to panic that things were changing. Also just so you know We live apart and see each other a couple days a week and would normally email eachother all day long.So about my insecurity, every time he got a text or email I would ask who it is, he used to do the same to me and we would tell eachother but not any more, he just says it's none of my business now. I would also look at his facebook page and see him talking to a girl but what he would write wouldn't make sense so it is obvious that they are private messaging or texting or emailing each other. He also "likes" her photos. I am unable to ask him about any of this because he gets angry. Recently he said we shouldn't email as much because it's not healthy to be talking all day long so we only email a few times a day now.He says we have no reason to not be a solid couple because I have backed off and given him some space but I am still sure he is upto something he shouldn't be. He is very protective of his phone, which has access to his emails and facebook, he alwaysss has it with him, never leaves it alone. I'm starting councelling to help with my problems so am trying to make things better.Have I pushed him away too far? Can you get a relationship back to full happiness?Any advice you have about my situation would be great :)Thank you x
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female
reader, InLoveW/Love  +, writes (27 July 2010):
If you like to read, you should think about reading self-help books. I have recently read one that gave advice to women in your situation. The author basically says that men can feel a woman's insecurities, almost like a 6th sense. So if he feels you pushing and pushing into every detail of his life his natural instinct is to pull away. He probably is scared you're becoming one of those psycho gf's that all men fear. Instead of giving him his space, TAKE YOUR OWN. Do things that make you happy and focus on yourself for a change. If he truly cares he will be begging to get back in your life, trust me.
PS-Listen to your intuition. Women have it for a reason and...Its usually right!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): Thank you "starfairy", I think you are right, he was SO understanding at first and gradually he's been drifting away. How can I bring him back? I asked him yesterday if things were ok with us and he said that there's no reason for us to not be together as I have backed off and he doesn't feel like I'm getting at him all the time now. I hope more than anything that we can figure this out
thank you for your help, much appreciated
xxx
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A
female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (27 July 2010):
 I think you have pushed him too far, I'm sorry to hear you have issues with insecurity and I'm glad to hear you're receiving counselling...But I have to say I feel a bit sorry for your guy after reading that...If my bloke was hounding me about who I was texting, chatting to, calling etc, I would go mad, and in the end I would clam up too. It sounds like he was understanding in the beginning, but beginning to find these quirks tiresome. It's good that your honest with him, ut don't bottle things up. Don't constantly hound him with your issues, but do make it clear how you feel when he messages another girl etc, or when he's secretive.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 July 2010):
Being ultra protective of a phone is an indication of cheating. There isn't enough proof here at all to be sure, but you need to know what's happening, because I do suspect something is up. You won't be able to confront him though, because he'll deny it and cover anything up even more. So you've got to be smart and find out what happening elsewhere,
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): You may love him to bits but is it worth risking more heart break by sticking around to find out what he is really like. If you have it all wrong then he will be devistated if you end it and do anything to get you back but if he is a cheater then you dumping him wont be a big deal and he wont try to save the relationship, provving to you that he isnt worth your tears.
There is noting worse than feeling jelous or insecure, it makes you feel crazy!
Dont be with someone that makes you feel this way no matter how much you love them or how hard it is to leave them!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): The phone has a code you have to enter to get into it, I don't know shat it is
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (27 July 2010):
You have started councelling for a problem you already know the answer too??? Let's say there are two chairs in a room, and you sat on one, and a nail poked you in the butt. What do you do? You sit in the next chair, right? You don't keep sitting in the same chair, getting poked, and then go to councelling to understand why you keep sitting in the same chair.
So by what you wrote, your man in the nail in your butt. However, you intend to pay moneny so someone who can tell you a better way to deal with the nail in your butt, rather than you getting a new guy that is not a nail. Hmmm.
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A
female
reader, 123itsme +, writes (27 July 2010):
there definitely is something going on here, i don't think u have a problem. it seems he is hiding something,if i were u i would try my hardest to get the phone, but in all you need to sit down and talk to him, about your feelings about everything, if he doesn't have anything to hide he will most likely show u and ease your mind, if not then there is something fishy.You could also write the girl, but that's risky, or have one of your friends do it. oh and a question:Does his facebook have u as his girlfrined?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): Try and take the phone without him noticing, something doesn't seem right.
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A
male
reader, JayLovesSam +, writes (27 July 2010):
 It is always natural to worry when your partner is very private because it makes you think why!?, however relationships NEED trust and it will break if you continue to question who he is talking to etc, just trust him till he proves you can't. Getting counselling will help though as they can train you to think other ways around this issue rather than thinking the worst, but enjoy the little time you spend together and instead of being at home, go out and do something and have fun :)
Best of luck
James x
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