A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I admit I have an insecurity problem about my sexual performance. I never had one before, but recently, I started dating a woman my age who has had few partners (she was a virgin until 30), but the one's she's had (4) were almost all FWB...mainly for sex and friendship. Also, teh one before me was huge (like 9" to my 6") so that has fueled some of the insecurity. I am her first true love, and it feels wonderful, but I have this nagging feeling from little things she's said, insinuated, and yes, unfortunately, things I've read in E-mails, that she's had more rockin sex with these guys. She insists that sex is better with me because she loves me and I match her very active libido, but we got off to a slow start, sexually (I was with the same woman for 20 years, so I had a lot of performance anxiety and loss of erections early on) so I am a bit worried I never came across as that rock hard 'n ready superstud she was apparently used to.So I guess my question is, women...if you find a sweet, sexy guy who is tender and loving and likes sex, but has anxiety problems that prevent him from being, well, a jackhammer from day 1, would you long for a more "ready" guy, or would you put up with the temporary sexual performance issues to be with him? I guess I just wish I was more of a stud...but she REALLY seems to love sex with me, so maybe I should just shut up?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2010): To the anon fem response...yes, I totally found her spots and can make her orgasm is seconds...faster than she can herself. She says I am the only one who has given her an orgasm, but to be honest, I have witnessed so much subtle dishonesty and cover ups about her sexual past, I have doubs that this is true.
I would not say she has clearly indicated that she had better sex with her past guys...it is a gut feeling based on the sum of many discussions and a few E-mails I found where she admitted to a friends about loving his size. It still makes me ill to remember it. When I asked her about it, she played it off, saying it was just playful banter among friends, and one-upsmanship between two girlfriends discussing their men. I guess I can buy that to an extent, but it eats at me thinking I am maybe the better all-around guy because I am sensitive, have a big heart and can hit all the right spots, but may not be the rock hard stud she had. The reason it eats at me too, is my ex and I had perfect sexual chemistry, but no passion. In other words, she didn't love sex, but when we had it, it rocked. This woman is so much more sexual and passionate, but the sex is somewhat lacking. Its quite a conundrum.
I appreciate that most women prefer a loving man over a walking fuck stick. I know there are times when a woman just wants to get plowed good, and I can deliver no problem, but I guess what I'm trying ot do is reach that deep, visceral, sexual place in her that the other guys reached (emotional...not physical. I realize I'm not 9 inches). I'm Not convinced I have, and that is bothering me.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2010): She was the fuck-buddy of some alphas for a few years and now she's settling down with a beta. Sounds like most women I know. I wouldn't stay in this. Deep down she will always be thinking about the other guys, and deep down you will always be bothered by it. Plenty of guys never stop having nagging bad feelings about things they only vaguely suspect their woman is thinking about past lovers being better. Never mind when you know it for a fact. If you leave her for this you will be the bad guy in the eyes of many people. It's easy for them to get critical of you when they aren't the ones in your position. See if they would agree to settle down with someone that they know for a fact thinks her other past men were more exciting lovers.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2010): Being with someone you love is so much better than a FWB situation. I would choose no sex with a man I love over a FWB anyday!
The other aunties are right...being jackhammered by a well endowed man is severely over-rated. It does not gaurentee an orgasm. Pay close attention to what turns her on and find that magic formula for her orgasm and she will never leave you nor want of another man.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): Give me the sweet sexy guy who is tender and loving any day. Sex with a man you love is a lot better than a jackhammer.
I think you just need to relax, and be who you are.
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A
female
reader, Liza999  +, writes (9 June 2010):
 I think my bf is experiencing this rock hard and ready anxiety as well and I wish I could tell him what I am going to tell you Penetration and a ginormous erection is much less valuable to many women than men like to think! There is so much more to mind blowing sex that does not have to involve the penis at all So conitinue to play with her find out what rocks her boat without using and without thinking about your penis at all! yes ans yes we choose the sweet tender sensitive guy that finds all our spots in many many ways... Good luck!
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