A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My fiance has a whole bookshelf of porn in his room, makes comments about porn sometimes, and I know he's slept with women before me. He's the first man I've ever been with and the last.Sometimes while we're together, I wonder what porn he's learned something from or who he's done something with and I hate thinking about it. It hurts that he's watched porn even after we started sleeping together- like I wasn't enough to satify him. I asked him to stop and he said he would. I trust him, but I still see that bookshelf in his room...I get self conscious that I'm not as good or as hot as the other women he's been with or the porn stars he's watched. He wants me to say dirty things to him, but I never know what to say...I don't know how to get rid of my insecurities. I wish he was a virgin before me, but I can't change the past. I do wish he would get rid of the porn, though...
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female
reader, desiree075  +, writes (1 October 2012):
Listen, porn women are gross and fake (most of the time), so you really shouldn't worry being up to their standards, just stay healthy. I think you should take his initiative as a way of exploring your sexuality (like he wants to dirty talk), but do it at your own pace, no pressure. he should also not pressure you.
And as for the actual watching of the porn, dude, we're all human. Sometimes you want loving sex, at other times you want meaningless, selfish sex. It's all very good! And the best part is that you can have the same person fulfilling it. I actually suggest watching some porn with him, and if you manage to see things from his point of view, you'll realize how primal and unthreatening it is.
Take it easy :)
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (1 October 2012):
 I have a ton of links on my profile about porn use, I highly recommend you look through them. Just click on my name to get there. Especially this website:
http://www.yourbrainonporn.com as well as the book The Porn Trap by Larry and Wendy Maltz.
Have you talked to him about it? If not, you should try in a non-confrontational way (you don't want him to feel attacked or he will become defensive and the whole thing will turn into a power struggle).
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A
female
reader, kay21  +, writes (1 October 2012):
The truth is most guys will watch porn or have magazines, they just use it for an easy way of relieving themselves. Maybe you should talk to him that seeing the porn on the shelf is bothering you, then again he may feel that he doesn't need to hide it from you. My boyfriend watches porn quite often but I don't get offended it's just what guys do.
And with the past women you need to not think about what happened, everyone has a past and it's best not to bring it into the future, he's with you now so just be more confident in yourself men like a confident women it will take time but it's possible.
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