A
female
age
30-35,
*D2618
writes:First off, before I begin, I want to make it perfectly clear that there's a pretty recognizable age difference in my relationship (in order to get the most understanding/accurate feedback): I JUST turned 18 and my boyfriend turned 26 in February. I met him when I was 16 turning 17 and he was 25 turning 26 (mine's in March). Anyway, at first, it was pretty obvious he only wanted sex. He dumped me twice, using lame excuses like me getting drunk in front of his friends or how he wasn't ready to commit. This was during the first year we knew each other, just the first couple mouths (between January to May, probably). Between probably May and June I got back together with him after I finished up a relationship finally with another bad ex, because I suppose he was jealous I got over him dumping me so quickly and moved on to another guy; but foolishly, I went back to him and left my ex, even though that was probably for the best. This all happened in 2010, and we've been together since June to April 2011 today. We have been living together and I'm not sure if that's draining our relationship of romance, but we have so much trouble communicating (talking over each other, never been able to get our points across or to agree). I don't know if it's the age difference or if we're just not the right people for each other, and I know you're not supposed to question love - but what if I DO want him to be The One for me, and I just want to work on it until we get there? I need some advice on how to do that.Also, what hasn't been helping is I busted him on a couple dating sites and sexy image sites in January; the dating sites I think he registered for before we met and I've since been deleting them when I find them... (they all have dates of like 2008 and 2009, before we met). The sexy pictures happened all day when he was at work, and he would freaking take his phone in the bathroom and look at them. I got so upset, I threatened to leave him, and he's supposedly been not looking at them since (but through my insecurities, I'm having such a difficult time believing him!) Since I busted him, I feel so not good enough for him, in any ways - I feel like I'm way too immature for him, Like I'm too needy and clingy, and like I'm just plain not attractive to him, or not as attractive as he thinks I should be. He always tells me I'm wrong and he's always upset that I would even question our relationship being based purely on sex. But I still just can't get over the fact he was looking at women who look 100x better than me (partly due to photoshop...) Because how the hell can I compare? He's driving me mad and I want to do the same to him. I don't want to break up because of my internal conflicts
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at work, drunk, got back together, immature, jealous, my ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, N-man  +, writes (2 April 2011):
Let me say this, i think at some point, all men (and even women) look at 'sexy pictures' or porn, or whatever. We all need that stimulation sometimes.If he hasnt been on the dating sites since, and you really truly believe he isnt just using you for sex, i would run with it.Think about this:Is he a good guy otherwise?Do you love him?Do you think what you have is real?I think if you are already living together, this shows something mutal.All the best :)
A
male
reader, honestman  +, writes (1 April 2011):
"We have been living together and I'm not sure if that's draining our relationship of romance"YES! Living together can sometimes take down romance. Get out of there, and find a way to keep a healthy distance with him. You'll see how the flame rekindles as long as the healthy distance is kept. Also, try not to be so clingy. Find a hobby, a sport, something to keep you busy and also to make yourself more attractive to him [I don't mean physically attractive... just emotionally attractive].Yes, perhaps you are a little immature for him. In order for him to find you attractive, YOU MUST FEEL ATTRACTIVE. Think yourself as the most attractive woman in the world... and act as one! He will be crazy about you if you feel attractive. I am sure you are attractive, but TV and your society has told you that you're not attractive. [This happens to my girlfriend, and millions of women around the world.]
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011): Males usually like porn and all that stuff, u should not worry about that, but if he is seeing someone else that is a big problem and it will be a problem as long as you are with him. Once a cheater always a cheater.By the way I am 28 and my gf is 19, I also like porn but that's just fantasy I have never cheated on her. And yes you are too immature for him. It's not an age difference problem, if you were for example 24 and he's 32 it would be fine but you are simply too young and you are probably driving him crazy like my gf is doing to me :-)
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