A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:the problem i have is the age old problem of the in-laws. My sister in-law is the main one i have problems with. recently my husband an i had a breif separation. she rang him up to ask why and like a mug he told her. she then rang my home and screamed expletives at me and told me how she always hated me and then proceeded to tell lies about me to the whole of his immediate family. lucky for me, i got to my husband before she did and told him she had rang me so he did not believe her lies. this is not the first time she has lied about me a few years back i took her daughter to playgroup with my son. the daughter got sick and was hospitalised the illness was related to a virus which i do not have but they blamed me for taking hert to the playgroup and allowing her to mix with other children!!! (what the hell is playgroup for then). 3 years ago my son died and the same time my husbands brothers wife gets pregnant and my husbands sister spreads lies about how i hate their baby!! now i am accused of having affairs because my sister in law follows me around online and checks my facebook profile and sees that i have male friends! some of which are my brothers! they inlaws all cooked up a plot to try and convince my hubby that ive had an affair but now he is back with me they are all going "we cant forgive and forget" and i havent done anything!! its all the doing of my husbands sister in law who has no life. we get excluded from family events due to her also. i am trying to make my husband see that his sister is trouble and to stay away and cut her out of our lives (she is a cancer) but he wont he still thinks he can trust her. he insists i go to events (just turn up) and that i go visiting them with him and i just dont want to i feel unwanted. if i say no he acts all hurt even though i try to explain my reasons he just doesnt want to hear it and i end up (grudgingly) going and they all stare at me and mutter about me they think i cant hear them things like "why did he bring HER" it stresses me and i lose sleep because i cant get my hubby to see that they hate me, he thinks they are golden and cant see why i dont want to bother with them. how can i get him to see my feelings are valid, understand them he just wont listen
View related questions:
affair, facebook, sister in law Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (15 March 2010):
 You are married into his family and he comes in a package. Some people have loose family ties but unfortunately yours have a close knit one and your hubby still has many strings attached to his family.
To keep the peace in your family and his , you will need to tolerate some of their antics , do some of those things which you dislike , shut your ears to all those untruths and vile comments about you and accept your husband's insensitivities.
He grew up with them and he will never change for anyone.You will have to live with that.
A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (14 March 2010):
The other reply is very balanced comment on the situation? Hubby must decide what he wants but I cannot entirely agree that he should not have told his familly about your break up. That is his perogative if he was upset.
Having had my wife leave me I told our adult children and our friends as to what she had been up too with 2 affairs to hewr name. It was one of the reaosns she maintains that she can never come back to put it into your situation he may have bfelt it a relief to inform everyone.
He is now in the situation where he cannot abandon them as they were supportive However, if he cannot resolve the situation and your status your marriage maybe doomed and he must reealise that he has to take action?
...............................
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (14 March 2010):
What a bunch of losers! First of all, even if you had cheated, its none of their business. That is a private matter between you and your husband. But there is something magical about destructive people; they eventually destroy each other or self-destruct. I had in laws similar to yours and a sister in law who was a real piece of work. I isolated myself from them and acted like they didn't exist. When my then husband wanted me to go to family functions I either went only for short periods so my kids could interact with their cousins, (last to arrive, first to leave) or I would take that time to go visit my own family instead where I knew I was among people who loved me. Eventually they began fighting amongst themselves and spreading rumours about each other while I stood at a great distance watching with amusement. Some of them even came to apologize to me for what they had been led to believe by my sister in law after they became the new victims of the conspiracies. Right now they are united by their common dislike for you. But once you bow out, they will have to find someone else to blame for their miserable lives. So hang in there, don't have conversations with them longer than hi/bye or only chat about kids. Don't speak any fighting words. Limit lengthy interactions. Just 'show face' at gatherings then leave. Just ignore them as much as possible and act like they barely exist. Its only a matter of time before you see a high drama that for once won't have you as the diva.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2010): *2 - Turn up at all those events with a big smile and silently annoy them as much as possible (Something my brother would do just to annoy them)*
CaringGuy I have to say. I love this idea..
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (14 March 2010):
There are three ways you can handle this.
1 - Keep a dictaphone with you, and record what his family says about you. If he chooses to ignore your feelings after that, then consider the marriage.
2 - Turn up at all those events with a big smile and silently annoy them as much as possible (Something my brother would do just to annoy them)
3 - Refuse point black to go.
Your husband probably does have an idea how bad they are, but because they're his family chooses to duck his head in the sand. But at the end of it, it's not him who has to put up with the crap. It's you. So, try one of the options above.
...............................
|
