A
female
age
51-59,
bootydoctors
writes:Pinkee here~ As some of you may know, I cheated on my husband when I was married. I have learned a lot since then. I am quite clear that I NEVER want to do that again, not to anyone- my partner, my potential “partner in crime”, or myself. Even after all these years (it’s been nine) since I’ve been divorced, I still have nightmares in which I “accidentally”cheat on my partner, and then regret it.Last night I had such a dream. It was bizarre. I had gotten pregnant by some Latino dude, and didn’t tell my partner that the baby wasn’t his. The baby came out with six toes on each foot and I was nervous that my partner in crime must have had six toes and that I’d get found out for cheating. Just before I woke up, I was planning to go inspect the Latino guy’s toes and then put some socks on my baby so no one would notice his toes.So, what is my point in all this? To entertain you with my weird dreams? Not really, but if you are entertained, good for you. My point is to say that if you are contemplating cheating on your partner, or ARE cheating on your partner, don’t do it. It’s bad for your health- your mental health, that is.Even though I was soooo miserable in my marriage and soooo depressed and I knew instinctively that having an affair would snap me out of my depression, and it did, it WASN’T WORTH IT. After the fact, I felt guilty, and even more depressed than ever and it was causing problems for me, my ex-husband, and our daughter. It wasn’t until I finally told my ex the truth that I finally felt better. (After he yelled very loudly.) And, we were all able to get along better and be happier people because I finally told the truth. I know it sounds corny, but the truth really did set me free. Well, almost. As you now know, I still have these crazy dreams once in a while.Save yourself and others the misery and trouble. If you are unhappy with your partner, or want to have sex with other people, start a dialogue with her (or him) about it.. Cheating is sorta like drinking when you have a problem. It works temporarily, but in the end you have more problems than you started with. It takes courage, but I’m now convinced that speaking your truth is always the best choice available.
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female
reader, bootydoctors +, writes (1 June 2010):
bootydoctors is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi,
I think maybe what you're trying to say is that I should just forgive myself? I think I have done that, but learning to trust myself again is maybe more the issue. I do agree, stuff happens. In my case, it's not as though my marriage ended because I had an affair. I had an affair possibly as a more efficient way out of my marriage, or at the very least my marriage was going to end anyway, whether I had an affair or not. Thanks for your thought provoking comments,
Pinkee
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