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female
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anonymous
writes: Please can you answer this ASAP - im in a bit of a state.I am due to get married in less that 2 weeks. My fiance is driving me totally mad. I know the run up towards a wedding is stressful enough but he is impossible. All the traits I knew he had and I didn't like I have agreed to live with but now i feel like im under immence pressure and I am not sure how I can live with the way he is. He is the most stubborn man I have ever come across - i cannot ever get anything off my chest to do with us and our sex life is really suffering - we haven't had sex for 2.5 months and that ofcourse is a big part too. My parents are making a huge expensive wedding and i don't know where to turn to for advice. Im livid with him that he lets me feel like this and doesn't ever admit where he needs to change . . I don't want to not be with him but how can you marry someone who doesnt talk and is stubborn and arrogant all the time. I knew what i was getting myself into but now im terrified. I feel so guilty as far as my parents are concerned because they are so excited about the next couple of weeks. . . Please help me.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2006): hey you have messed up ur own life...bfore thinking of breaking the marriage or rather teh enagement talk to the guy find out the problem...it might happen then when u r abt to marry a scond u mi8 fac similar situ wat wld u do..kep braking allainces??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2006): Follow what that inner voice is telling you. If it says: "do not get married" - listen! Do not worry about cancelling the wedding plans and your parents simply want what is best for you. They would be gutted if you are unhappy in your marriage. Marriage is forever and ever and ever and ever - the rest of you life... Sorry to scare you, but rather gather the strenght now than make the biggest mistake of your life! Sorry if you are upset.
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female
reader, Toria +, writes (26 October 2006):
 Until you sort through the issues that are bothering you then you really shouldn't go through with the wedding as they aren't going to solve themselves.
If you was saying the problems were just during this time I would say it may well be the stresses and strains of the wedding coming up but as you said these were here before just irritating you more so now.
Good luck :o)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2006): I think you know you don't want to marry this guy. Your parents will be upset, your fiancee more so, but this is nothing to the hurt everyone (especially you!) will feel if you go ahead and then divorce a year down the line. Cliche but true. I hope it all works out for you.
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female
reader, bellachic385 +, writes (25 October 2006):
 If you have a gut feeling somthing is not right go with it. I might not be enough time to get your money back but your life and happiness is at stake.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2006): ok..stop!..its ur life..take a deep breath in..and control ur own destiny..no1 is making u do anything..at night wen u go to bed at night..only u..and god kno wat ur heart is feeling..lisen to that voice in ur head...u only marry sum1 if ur 100% sure..u must eitha speak to him or tell him the whole thing is off..and if he choosez not to speak to u..then u will know how important ur relationship is too him..good luck..freind x (ur parents wud rather see u cancel the weddin than spend a lyftym unhappy) x
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (25 October 2006):
 If you think he's arrogant and stubborn now just wait until after the wedding! Definitely postpone the wedding. Everyone will understand. As to your intended, you need to tell him exactly why you are postponing it. After the dust settles a little bit you can decide together whether to cancel it altogether or maybe you will reach an understanding. Just don't get married unless you are 100% into the idea. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2006): ok I would suggest rying Marraige Counselling, if you can get him to go along!!.
I think if you told him how he makes you feel then maybe he might be a bit more willing to change.
If he knew that you were considering canceling the wedding or calling the relationship off maybe he would buck his ideas up too.
I can sympathise with you I had a similar problem with my hubby, but he did see sense and tries very hard to see things from my point of view.
But some people jsut cant!, it does'nt mean they wont be able to hold down a relationship it just means that you have to be very clear and concise about your needs and feelings.
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female
reader, camille  +, writes (25 October 2006):
 You are going to have to get some inner strength and be brave. Please don't get married thinking you'll be letting anyone down if you don't go through with it. Talk to your parents, they'd much rather their daughter be happy. They will understand. It will be a weight lifted when you tell them. They may only be excited thinking you are looking forward to what should be a special day to celebrate your love. Marriage in itself is a huge committment so don't do it for anyone else, you'll regret it. It's supposed to be your big day and if you don't want it, you must stop it. You will be making a huge mistake if you get married. Cancel the wedding as soon as you can, then the arrangements can be set in motion.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2006): What exactly is he doing that you think makes him arrogant and stubborn? Is thre some issue at hand that you are disagreeing about? Be more specific.
Brides have a tendency to be bridzilla's and get completely self absorbed about their big day to the degree that they are insensitive to the feelings of others, and to their intended in particular; if he reacts negatively to your control, look hard at yourself first and see if he is not just reacting to you....how long have you known him? Is what you saw as confidence and inner strength which you first admired turned into stubborness and arrogance? Try to take a step back and be more analytical as to what you think is happening here, perhaps it is partly you?
It is best not to get defensive or arrogant yourself when trying to talk to him, don't criticize his character or you may end up with his stoney silence which is really a relationship killer all of it. Be more respectful and when talking about an issue, ask him to repeat back what you just said to him (don't say this with a tone) because you want to hear how it just sounded and want to make sure he understands clearly what you just said, do this same thing for him, it shows respect when discussing issues, and then try to work out a solution that works for both of you, not just you, you don't always want to get your way do you? I don't know what else to tell you, as there is not specific enough information in your post for me to think that you would be better off canceling the wedding.
That said, if you truly have deep reservations about this man or spending the rest of your life whith him, no amount of money spent on the wedding would be worth going through with it just to end up divorced later on, that is much more devestating to all involved, so you need to get away by yourself for some quiet time to think away from all the wedding hoopla to get your bearings about this.
If you post more info, I will follow up with you later.
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (25 October 2006):
 However hard it is to cancel it now, it is a hundred times easier than getting married and then dealing with the rocky road to breakup and divorce.
The other aunts are right. Listen to your heart. Cancel it now. Your parents will be upset at first, but they'll be glad you didn't marry the wrong man and understand you after they get over the initial shock.
Be brave. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2006): I think you already know you have to do.
At the very least, you need to postpone this wedding. You know that this is the only thing you can do, no matter how bad your parents, or your partner will take it. Your parents don't ultimately matter - it's your life - and I'm sure anyway they want you to be happy - and if things are meant to be with your partner - you'll get through the problems and replan the whole marriage thing, when, or if, either of you want to do that.
If you're still unable to take action, take a few minutes to read our marriage problems category. You don't want to end up in any of their often terrible situations.
Personally, I am surprised at the amount of people who end up too scared to drop out of getting married and ignore their huge doubts and all the relationship problems they have. And every single one of those marriages ended up failing within months, or they are cheating on their partners.
You want to be saying "I DO" with no doubts whatsoever.
If you settle for any thing less, you're future will be in trouble. Make a choice, before it's too late.
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female
reader, shania +, writes (25 October 2006):
 Its far better to stop the wedding then to go through a messy divorce court.Now,is it possible that your fiance is being extra stubborn and arrogant because he is having pre wedding nerves? Or is he being his usual self? You must of known what is traits was like but now that you are going to his his wife...now feels you with dread? This is not your parents wedding,this is your future we are talking about here.Now, what i would suggest is to sit right down with your fiance,with no screaming or shouting...you want to talk calmly with him and explain exactely how you feel,if at the end of it you still feel that your fella is not seeing eye to you then you will have to weigh up the consquences,which is...you put up with his worst faults because his good points out weigh the bad,and you love him enough to do that or...you end it because you know that down the road your future husband will make you miserable.
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