A
female
age
30-35,
*idsummer
writes:My bf and I want to move in together. He is 26 and I'm 22. He has a job and I am in college, and looking for jobs. He lives an hr away from me, so I would be moving to his area. I will be finding a job once we live there, since I will be closer and able to go to job interviews. My question is, can I be on the lease, even if I'm not going to be paying rent; just utilites and food. Or must I wait to find a job, to be added to the lease. My mother will be helping me financially to pay for those things, until I find a job in the area.Thanks Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2015): Before moving in with anyone for any reason, you must be financially-independent. If you place yourself on the lease, you also have to pay part of the deposit. You should already have a job to maintain timely payment of the rent. A lease is a binding agreement, and landlords don't want to hear excuses; if one of you should leave and only one is left holding the bag. Do not take on rent you cannot pay by yourself, if it should come to that.
You can be as optimistic about your relationship as you will, but you also have to maintain some common-sense.
You could wind-up homeless. Boyfriends aren't husbands; so they don't bear much legal responsibility for your shelter and welfare.
You are not ready to move in with your boyfriend. Why do "you" have to be closer to "him?"
It makes more sense to me, if you both find a place midway; and commute to work and school.
If you don't have a job, you can't count on your mother covering all of your expenses. I presume she's not wealthy, or you could live wherever you pleased. Be practical and not let your feelings for your boyfriend make you make unwise decisions.
I think he is making sure he stays put, because he isn't as optimistic about the future of the relationship as you are. Otherwise; there would be some compromise to meet you halfway. As ever so often; it's the female in the relationship going the extra nine-yards and uprooting her life to be closer to some guy.
You should be focusing more on your education anyway. Either find a school closer to your boyfriend, or let him move closer to you. He's the one with the job! Oh and yes, do make sure condoms and birth control is a part of your relationship. You are very invested in your relationship, which means you may forgo a lot to keep "him" happy.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 October 2015):
 I think you should be asking many more questions than simply "Should I be on the lease?" because first, you must know the rules of where your BF is staying. They may not allow move-ins without their approval and adding onto their lease.
Some apartments/rental companies consider it not only a violation of their lease for undeclared residents, but grounds for his eviction. So you need to see what's *ON* the lease before agreeing to sign on for it.
Some leases have policies about "Long Term Guests" becoming tenants after a specified amount of time, usually two weeks or a month. Understand that no matter how you and your boyfriend work out expenses, once you add your name to the lease, you are jointly responsible for 100% of the rent, and your credit rating and financial liability are on the line, If you get into a fight after going on the lease, and you move out or he does, you're still on the hook for the rent. You can't tell the landlord "Hey - he's paying you. I just pay utilities". It won't fly. Once your signature is on, you're on the hook.
Whatever you do, do NOT "sublet", meaning it's not okay to sign some sort of agreement with your boyfriend and he's the only one on the lease. That's against almost all lease agreements, and in some cases, states or countries, it's illegal to rent to a tenant space to a property you yourself are renting.
Also, one question you may want to find out from your lease/landlord is insurance. Most places do not allow uninsured tenants. You need to have renter's and liability insurance on your stuff. That's not that expensive, but it's necessary. It protects against not only property theft, but say a guest trips over a vacuum cleaner cord and breaks his eye socket. The insurance protects the owner of the apartment as well as you from a lawsuit because of injury. Same with a dog or cat bites or any number of ways people could get hurt.
If I were you, I would consider securing the job before you move in permanently. You live an hour away, so staying as a guest for a week or two at a time (however it's stipulated in his lease) wouldn't be that difficult. Then when your job is secure, THEN you go to the landlord, he runs your creditworthiness, and draws up a new joint lease. Then you can make arrangements for insurance, vehicle space (some apartments require payment for vehicle storage or at least registering vehicles at the office).
Some landlords "let it slide" on long term guests as long as the checks keep coming in. Some landlords do not. A few will adjust the rent. That's what negotiations are for.
You also didn't ask for this advice, but why would you not be splitting expenses if your mom is helping AND you have a job? I'm not judging you at all, but are you prepared if he loses his job or experiences a downgrade of income or decides he resents a less equitable split OR many of those thoughts that people come on here and ask us about when it comes to money and relationships?? Make sure the guy you're with doesn't consider money to be power in your relationship. That happens too many times. Don't take the arrangement for granted, and always be working towards full independence, or you could find yourself in big trouble, especially if you do things like buy cars and spend money as if adding rent payments will never happen.
Keep full independence (i.e. the ability to live in your own place and pay all expenses without the help of another) your goal and your ability at short notice. It's nearly unfathomable the despair of people who come on here telling us that their boyfriend cheated on them, but they're stuck because he's paying the bills. Never become dependent, even if he is the most faithful. Also, remember, living together ups the chances of getting pregnant, so never take your eye off the birth control ball or allow him to take control of that area.
Good luck to you!
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