A
female
age
30-35,
*idsummer
writes:My bf and I have been dating for 3 months. And we get along very well, and he understands me. I have social anxiety, and although I am capable of going outside and being around people. When its one on one or a group, I get very nervous and don't talk. The thing is his 2 brothers and sister are over for the weekend, and my bf wants me to go visit them. But i'm very nervous because I dont know if they'll bonbard me with questions or if i'll feel very uncomfortable and sick. I know this is a normal and natural step in a relationship and eventually i'll have to get thru this. But I honestly am not sure, if I sud do it now. Anyways, I will be spending Thanksgiving with his family, where I'll meet all of them. But like my friend said, it would be easier to meet his brothers, so that when I have to meet his whole family I dont feel so intimidated. What should I do? Im soooo nervous :-(P.S. I already met his Dad. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 October 2015):
 I think you should do it! It would be a really good thing for you to do. As WiseOwlE said, talking to your therapist prior to it would be helpful, as he or she can give you some tips to cope and turn it into something really good.
If your boyfriend of three months wants you to spend Thanksgiving with him and meet his family, that's actually a phenomenal occasion in terms of how your relationship is going. Many guys with commitment issues keep the woman they date away from family and friends.
You're going to do great! One thing you can do is just be honest. Tell them it's an honor to meet them, and you have social anxiety issues, so it's not easiest meeting new people. If they are as good as your boyfriend is, they'll understand! Also, tell your boyfriend that meeting new people is a tough thing for you (I bet he knows!) and for him to be there for you and not leave you alone. Meeting his siblings prior to Thanksgiving will make Thanksgiving a bit easier, as I suspect that when you're with people you know and are comfortable with, it's much easier for you.
If they start asking questions, tell your boyfriend beforehand to help slow them down a bit due to your anxiety. If he tells them beforehand that you deal with SA, they'll be accommodating for you and go at your pace. He's most likely gushing about you to his family as it is, so they naturally are interested in getting to know you.
Talk to your therapist, get some tools, maybe even some anti-anxiety medicine (if you're taking that) to help with that first meeting, and soon you'll be a pro with his family. You're being brave to go for this, and not letting fear rule your life and relationships.
Good luck! Tell us how it went!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2015): Have a session with your therapist. That's who you should be talking to. How can anyone who doesn't know you or the extent of your social anxiety disorder tell you what you should do? Everyone has it to some degree, by the way! Not everyone is comfortable in a crowd, or meeting a room full of strangers. Some just have it worse than others.
It all depends on what progress you've made up to now. A lot of people with minor and major mental and/or social disorders come to this site; and no one really knows how fragile your condition might be. One wrong suggestion, and things can go bad.
Without knowing much about you, I'd say it might be easier to meet his brother and sister one at a time. Then, take a test run and meet just his parents. Waiting until the holiday, and suddenly having a minor attack would ruin the festivities for you and everyone else.
Only you can answer your question. Are you ready? You've decided you're ready for a relationship; therefore you take on all the responsibilities and obligations that come with it. If you're not, do what's right for yourself. Just explain it to him.
I hope you have explained this all to your boyfriend. He should know some things about your social anxiety disorder; so everyone is prepared, and that you are not overwhelmed. If he's falling for you, everyone will be quite eager to meet you; and very excited and happy for you both. Thanksgiving is a family holiday; so you may meet a lot of his visiting family. Sometimes people just show-up.
I think they'll write if off as shyness. So just smile a lot to put everyone at ease. It will help you too!
It's nice that you've found someone. It is unfair to withhold or be dishonest regarding matters about your mental or physical health. Let him know how you feel.
Once he committed to be monogamous; you had a responsibility to him to be ready, and know if you can handle your anxiety. You've had full knowledge that at some point, you have to meet his family. You will eventually have to be introduced to his friends as well. He can't only have an isolated one-on-one relationship with you. It will have to be inclusive of others. So, consider if you can handle the challenge.
Have a talk with your therapist and get a professional opinion before you push yourself. Fact is, everyone has some anxiety about meeting the family of someone they're dating; because they have no idea what impression they will make.
My boyfriend is a successful business man. He's good-looking and a woman's dream. Can you image what it feels like being introduced to a guy's family as his "boyfriend!" Well, my fingers were ice-cold when I shook his father's hand. He laughed and said "cold-hands, warm-heart... I hope?" I took a sigh of relief, his dad's a joke-ster and purposely wanted me to feel welcome. I do. So will you, my dear. Just talk to him and let him know now.
Everyone worries whether the family will like you or not. We all get overwhelmed in crowds of people. So, consider some of what you feel generally normal; but take whatever precautions you know will keep you within your comfort-zone.
Just don't blame everything on anxiety. You've got to also realize when you're just having natural nervousness over something that is common-place for everyone. Your anticipation is pretty natural. It's what happens when you do meet that is of concern; but too much over-thinking might be building on that anxiety. Don't you think?
Good luck, sweetheart! If he knows and understands, he will prepare the way for you.
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