A
male
age
51-59,
*nsrchof
writes:I've been married for 3 years and we have been together for 6 years. We have 2 children together and she has 3 of her own. Here's my question. Since our daughter was born (3 years ago) my wife has no motoviation to do anything. She won't clean the house, won't make the kids do their chores and won't touch me. We have become roommates. I am not happy or satisfied in my marriage, but can't stand the thought of leaving my two kids. I have tried to talk to her about it and even asked her to see a counselor, but nothing ever happened or changed. I know that I can't stay together just for the kids. What should I do?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 June 2010):
 Definitely needs to see a doctor. Depression isn't something you can treat by saying: "snap out of it." It doesn't work that way.
I hope she is able to take that oh so important first step back to her old self, the one you fell in love with and married. You may need to set up the appointment as well, in addition to all you do. Think of it as an investment of time in a better future.
Best wishes.
A
male
reader, insrchof +, writes (25 June 2010):
insrchof is verified as being by the original poster of the question She is a stay at home mom. I work 10-12 hours a day as an electrician. I do come home and clean. In addition, when I get home, I take care of the kids. I get them through their homework, doing their choirs and bathing the younger ones for bed.
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A
female
reader, lovelyone3 +, writes (25 June 2010):
 You didn't say if she was a stay-home mom or worked outside of the home. Just from what little I know, it sounds like she may be angry about something and this is a passive-aggressive way of showing you or basically saying, "I'm fed up with things!" I know when I quit cleaning and go on "strike" it's basically retaliating against everyone in my home - I'm tired of cleaning up after slobs, not getting any respect with what I want in the house (i.e., no one taking their shoes off when they come in) - I could go on forever. Then again, she may be overwhelmed and wants help. Rather than asking her, maybe do a few extra things around the house for her and see what happens....?
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A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (25 June 2010):
 I "third" this advice. Few wouldn't be depressed and unmotivated with five kids and the knowledge you are disappointing your husband.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 June 2010):
I agree with Ask Oldersister. Get her to the doctor. She sounds like she's suffering from depression and it would be better to have her diagnosed and treated as appropriate rather than be angry at the change in her personality.
She can't help it, it's not a choice, she's not going to snap out of it.
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