A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all! I posted a question around 6 months ago after I found my boyfriend had been cheating with a women double his age. We had been together for 5 years prior to the year of hell.We started arguing all the time and I ended the relationship- he was devastated and kept begging for me back. Fast forward 2.5 months and I had realised my mistake. This time I went back to him begging for another chance. He said he loved me but was enjoying the single life (we had been in a relationship since we were 16). I gave him an ultimatimum, have me now or never again. So 2 months later we were back together. The first month it was great but the second month I could see he was slipping away. Fast forward another two months and he had been cheating for 8 weeks. He was very overly dramatic in his approach just as some of the aunts had said. He was crying all the time, wouldn't eat and wouldn't leave the house. His mum supported me but said she believed everything from the last year had finally hit him and he had realised he loved me. So that brings us to now. 6.5 months on from when the affair ended. Our relationship has fallen back into what it was before that year from hell had started. We had five very happy years prior to that and that's how our relationship is now. Obviously at first things weren't to great after I found out. I cried, we fought, he cried. But slowly things are falling back into place. We laugh more than we've ever laughed, the affection I have from him is also more than I have ever had. He's constantly reminding me that he loves me, or how beautiful or special I am to him. He rings me first thing in the morning to say good morning, he will call me on his lunch just to chat about our days and then call me as soon as he finishes work to get ready so we can go and cook our tea together. I guess he rings me so much to show I have nothing to worry about as well. He started doing it when I found out to try and earn the trust back and it's just stuck now. I look forward to his calls. Our families (who know everything) now comment how happy we are together and how they've never seen us so close. My family have forgiven him as they think he has proven himself every single day and still is. If I'm honest things are better than ever. But, some days I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I'm constantly worried, paranoid or doubting him. I don't say anything I keep it to myself. I sneak around after him checking his phone and phone account to see who he's talking to. (I have never found anything). Sometimes I just feel like things would be easier if he does cheat on me again. As then the relationship would definitely be over and I would feel a small bit of relief to have this stress taken away. I say if he cheats, as I do love this man more than anything. I look at him and feel such love, I want to protect him and care for him. The thought of not having him in my life breaks my heart and that's why I battle on with this feeling every single day. Does it ever get easier? Whilst it has improved slightly I still feel so stressed and insecure.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2015): I think you're enjoying the drama of all this. Why did you take back a cheat; then spend 99.99% of the time feeling suspicious that he's cheating? Then on top of all that; hoping he'd cheat just so you can break-up again?
My dear, you are in this strictly for the sake of the drama.
You like his pleading to take him back, you love him telling you how beautiful you are, and how much he loves you. The smarter side of you is telling you to grow-up, and cut it out. I'm telling you to grow-up and cut it out.
Dump the guy, focus on yourself, and a career. Avoid being in a relationship for awhile.
If you only enjoy relationships for the sake of drama; you are wasting your youth, and will be looking back someday in regret. You will miss out on healthy meaningful relationships; because good men will realize you live in an imaginary-world, and aren't really capable dealing with reality. You are not learning anything, nor are you evolving as a woman.
My dear, time passes by before you know it. You really should just enjoy the company of men through dating. You aren't emotionally-mature enough for a real relationship; because you keep replaying the same old soap-opera episode with the same old leading man. The story hasn't changed, and the ending is far too predictable. That's what you like about it.
You're still in your early twenties; so you can still play the soap-opera queen for as long as you can milk the part.
It's time to grow-up, and to start focusing on being a woman; and discovering more about yourself and your potential. Your life is not a romance novel.
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