A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I never thought I would go through this, especially not now, but I'm in love with two people, two women. I met this wonderful girl a couple of months ago, we see each other almost everyday and it's always great. I trust her completely and she trusts me. I just told her I loved her and it's one of the few times in my life that I really mean it. At the same time, this older woman I have always fantasized about decided to finally notice me. She's gorgeous, intelligent, successful... She's driving me crazy with her constant teasing. We went out once, but nothing happened because of my guilty conscience. Neither knows about the other and both seem to want something more serious with me, even though my relationship with the first girl is an open relationship. I really don't know what to do. Should I be faithful to the girl I love? Should I give this thing with the older woman a chance? Or should I be honest with her and tell her I already have someone? Any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): Hi, folks!
Yeah, we have an open relationship, she dated a guy during our first month together, but them chose to be just with me. She was very honest about it with me the whole time. The thing is that now things are more serious than then and I don't know how to proceed.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): Are you sure you're in an open relationship? Why feel guilty if that's the case? Does that mean your girlfriend can see other guys then?
It doesn't sound to me you're in an open relationship. I think it's best you just forget "woman B" and concentrate on the relationship you're already in.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): The keep it strictly as friendship with girl B. Don't cross the boundary into flirting or getting too close.
The way you prevent yourself hurting them is to do what I originally said. It would hurt a lot more if you were to leave your IM open by accident around girl A and girl B was to message you with something flirty.
At the moment by not telling either girl your situation you're keeping your options open, this means they'll both feel deceived by you if you don't tell them about each other as soon as possible. At the moment you're talking to girl B behind girl A's back, you have to tell them or this might all blow up in your face.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): Thank you for your advices, Cerberus and Red591. In my heart I know the right thing to do is to let "girl B" go. It's just hard to let a fantasy go, I keep blaming it on timing. If only this had happened earlier...
Today I talked for hours with girl A. My heart goes out to her just by hearing her voice, while she talks about her day.
And, then, out of the blue, girl B shows up in my instant messenger and I just couldn't help it... She amazes me with every bit of herself that she chooses to reveal to me, her stories, her thoughts, her tastes in music, her memories. In the end, I guess it all comes down to my amazement for getting to know someone I've always admired so much. My feelings for girl A are something else entirely, they are far more powerful, far deeper.
I just don't know how I'm going to pull this off without hurting neither of them. I'm pretty sure nothing's going to happen with girl B, so that I keep true to myself and to girl A. But I didn't want to lose girl B's friendship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): Be honest with both. If you're in an open relationship then technically you can get with this other woman, but then the whole love you stuff will sound like a bit of a lie.
First tell your girlfriend, tell her this other woman is giving you a lot of attention lately. You didn't think anything of it before but she seems to be flirting with you now.
If you do love your girl then you won't want anyone else, so when she asks what you're going to do be true to your word (if you actually meant it) and say nothing will happen. She is attractive but you're already in love.
This other woman was a fantasy and it's better you keep it that way. Fantasies are never a good basis to risk your relationship, because as you know they never live up to expectations.
Be honest with both of them but your girl is your priority she should be the first to know, then you can tell this other woman you're spoken for if you wish or just back off altogether.
Open and honest will sort this all out. I wouldn't be so quick to volunteer to your girl that this other one was a fantasy woman. No need unless she'd be up up for a threesome or something.
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A
female
reader, Red591  +, writes (30 November 2010):
 if you are wanting something with girl B then you don't really love girl A. Infatuation and new is not love. Both girls are new and exciting. You don't love either. Stay single though as you are not mature enough to be faithful to someone yet. You may need to play the field a while till it loses its charm. Don't go around hurting girls and telling them you love them just to "fall in love" next month with someone else. ITS NOT LOVE trust me. Love is never being able to imagine yourself with anyone else. Its extremely rare and i've never actually seen it but good luck as I hope you and everyone on here does find it :)
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