A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in love with two very different men, any advise? So it started about 8years ago with my high school sweetheart, we only dated for a few months but after all this time I have never stopped loving him, I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years, but a year and a half of those years I spent back in my hometown, yes where the "other" man lives... We started seeing each other right away, one problem, he's married!! I know shame on me for being the other woman but that's not the point, I live both these men very much and when I'm with one I'm thinking of the other, but this time it's more serious, I can't stop thinking about the married man, we talk (text) everyday, he tells me he lives me and I tell him I love him, and for the last year or so his marriage has not been working out, he said he's getting a divorce! I've always wanted to be with him since the day I met him! I need to figure this out fast, can anyone give me some advise?? Thank you
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2010): All of the people involved in this, him and his wife and you and your boyfriend, stand to get hurt.
Stop this affair. Leave the man to work on his marriage. If it then ends, you will not be involved in the ending of it.
How would you feel if you were cheated on? Relationships need to be built on trust.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (3 December 2010):
 You are setting yourself up for a very lonely future. Your boyfriend will leave you when he finds out you are a cheater and your married guy will never leave his wife for you. Best wise up chickie.
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A
female
reader, lintmagnet +, writes (3 December 2010):
He has no business telling you loves you if he is married. If he moves out, that is another matter. If he does it with you, he will do it to you. Do you really want this kind of man in your life?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): The married man is using you. You are cheating yourself and what has this got to do with love?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): Maybe you should let go of both because you cant possibly know your own mind,let alone love someone.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 December 2010):
My advice is you stop with both. You don't love either these guys enough, and this shows overall that you still have a lot to learn about men and relationships. You may think you love them, but you can take it from someone who has seen this question a million times before, that you don't. What it really shows is that you're not ready to commit to anyone, and should just be out there having fun.
First of all, I hope you'll agree that your boyfriend deserves a woman who will commit and not cheat. If you can agree to that, then you now understand why you need to let him go. Because, basically, any relationship you have with him will be based upon cheating and lies. And in the end, it won't work out. Your boyfriend seems like a good guy, so if you have the guts to make the right decision, then let him go and find someone who loves him enough to commit.
As for the married guy, he's a liar and a cheat. He doesn't love you at all. How do I know? Because in a year and a half, he's not left his wife even though he said he would. You are 'the other woman' and 'the bit on the side' and that's it. If you meant anything to him, he would have left his wife before he even cheated. He didn't, and he won't. He'll just continue to use you.
Time to take responsibility for your own life and do that right thing before you wind up with nothing but a bad reputation. Your boyfriend deserves a woman who loves him enough to commit to him alone. You don't love him enough to commit. And as for the married man, the word 'married' should say it all.
End it with both and go live your own life. Don't continue this way, because if you do, you'll get found out and have nothing but a bad reputation. And then all the decent guys will run a mile, and you'll be left with the ones who are rubbish.
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