A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I recently slept with my step daughter, she's 20 i'm 40 and now have these deep, deep feelings of love for her and everything I try to I can't get her out of my heart, she has mentioned to other family members that she has feelings for me as well. Her mother and me have seperated now but this is not due to us sleeping together. The incident happened after me and the wife split, but the step daughter now lives with her sister and I don't think she has told anyone and I still see her reguarly, The twist is that her mother now wants me back, and have been talking to her on the telephone. I truly do not feel any love for her mother any more but am seriously and deeply in love! with this beautiful girl. I really have not felt this such deep love in my life before, it truly physically hurts when I'm away from her. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, zebralove  +, writes (19 August 2010):
 Stop what you are doing and end all contact with the Daughter and the Mother. Move on and let the mother move on as well.
The daughter will find someone els, so will you and so will the mother. Don't ever come between a Mother and Daughter your just being heartless. Plus how can you live with the fact that you hade sex with a girl you probable rased!? This is awfull.
Just please to them and your self a favor. STOP!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): You are destroying a mother and daughter bond and you are cruel to give your wife false hope while still Fing her daughter. That's despicable. There is a 20 year age gap, for how long are ytou married to your wife. Did you rear this girl as your daughter? Have you heard of the 'incest' concept , is she was indeed thought of as your daughter. You may not want your wife anymore but to replace her with her daughter is just plain cruel. As for her daughter , stealing her mothers husband speaks volumes of her. Of couse you are besotted with a 20 year old plaything. I am sure yoiu have compared her to your wife both in bed and out. Does this make you any more of a man? You and this daughter of yours are playing with fire and you both are going to destroy your wife. Start thinking with your actual head and not your penis. You know how wrong and pathetic you are.
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A
female
reader, aela  +, writes (16 August 2010):
 Never ever come between a Mother and her Daughter. Stop talking to the woman (MOM) who you say you do not have any feelings for, you are just leading her on and being selfish.
Step out of this situation all together...it will end up painful for EVERYONE involved.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): You can't help your heart but man, you are in a mess.
I don't condone it and wish that it never happened. But the fact of the matter is you two share not one drop of blood.
But think of this.
You may love her but you are going to irreparably kill the relationship between her and her mother. Her mother will be in so much pain, that your step-daughter will in effect lose her mother.
If you love her, do you want to inflict this kind of pain on your step-daughter?
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (16 August 2010):
 I think both you and the daughter must really hate this woman to inflict such a painful wound. I don't understand why you are talking to the mother if there is no prospect of a reunion - it adds to the cruelty of the situation. The age-gap is immense, and I guess the daughter must look up to you being the older man of the world. You must be flattered to have such a young, pretty girl interested in a middle-aged man such as yourself. When the vanity is taken out of the situation, is there much left to the relationship? I only hope that there is some real foundation to your romance. When her family find out they may cut ties with her for good. The black sheep of the family may have no-one to depend on in the world but you, and that can be a terrible responsibility to carry. You are just some random bloke who was dating the mother, and she will get over you. But for the mother it is the daughter who is most guilty of betrayal. There must be something very wrong with the parent-child bond for this to have happened. I would really worry for the future of your relationship with her. If she does not have the integrity to understand why this relationship is wrong, what is stopping her breaking your heart with other men in the future? Clearly she has a poor understanding of what is 'off limits'. I think the decent thing to do would be to stop talking to the mother altogether for her sake. It is up to the daughter to reveal the relationship to her mother, if she has the courage.
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A
male
reader, Trans Am Man +, writes (16 August 2010):
 I'm young but I've experienced this stuff over and over again. I fall in love too easily and nothing good ever comes of it. Just spend a week away from you're stepdaughter and see how you feel after that. If not seeing her doesn't work, then go get her. Be with her. Don't listen to these people it's not wrong. If you we're to get a divorce than she would not be you're step daughter any more. Then she's just another girl.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (16 August 2010):
 You never actually asked a question in your post. Are you looking for advice on how to proceed? Are you asking if it's okay to want to be with your step daughter?
Unfortunately, all you are going to get is people pointing out how wrong what you are doing is. And it is.... very wrong. The question is, do YOU feel it is wrong?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): Not sure that this will work out well for either of you. Did she live with you as a child? Were you a father figure to her? It sounds kinda messed up to me.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): Shame on you both! Get counseling immediately.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): From just reading your post, I know for sure that you have never known what love is. "In love" is craziness, hot sex, etc etc. Any MORON on the planet can do that. True love - honesty, warmth, humor, intimacy, joy, truth, friendship - is not stabbing the girl's mother in the back (oh and your ex, for crying out loud) but about loving yourself and KNOWING yourself before you venture out with another like-minded person.
To even think that others will condone this mess and a half, shows how deluded you are. When she wisens up, if forced to choose between you and her biological mother, the mother will win every time. Sad, sad, sad. Grow the hell up and stop messing up everyone's life!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 August 2010):
 That is so messed up from every angle. I can not see something good coming from this AT ALL.
Good luck with that hot mess.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (16 August 2010):
 The way I look at it is it all depends on when you met. How old was she when you married her mother? If she was 18 or something, then I think you finish your divorce and see where it goes. If she was a child, then this is indeed a bit disturbing. Ultimately, there is no blood relation, as well as her being a legal adult. So on one hand, there isn't anything "legally" wrong with it. However, it is still pretty morally questionable. No matter what, you are going to crush her mother when she learns of this.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (16 August 2010):
 Dude youre old enough to be her dad..Im just wondering why u couldnt find anyone youre own age or around there..U do need to be honest with her mother, and that may be the last youre going to see of both of them...which is probably the best for u. Ur stepdaughter is 20, she's still young and needs to experience life. let her be...and u need to date someone youre own age.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): wow. woody allen?. he can get away with it. you might not. you think she loves you but she does not. she is barely an adult. when she grows older she will understand what she has done. it will be sad for her.
you're an adult, wats wrong with you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): How in the world did you get yourself in this situation? You are having sex with your wife's DAUGHTER!! You are so wrong on SO MANY LEVELS. Out of all the women in the world you could have fallen for, you chose a person who probably raised for the most part. I can only hope you never had those "feelings" while she was a pre-teen, or a teen at that. I don't have any advice for you except you need to confess what you did with your wife, stop having sex with your step-daughter, and enroll yourself into therapy ASAP.
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