A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I dont suppose anyone could give me any productive advice on my situation but here I am trying anyway....There was a boy who I went to school with who I had a crush on for the longest time I could remember. When we went to secondary school, long story short my mum met his dad, fell in love and got married in a bit of a whirlwind romance. Then we all ended up living together. I was really upset as of course it meant I had to stop my feelings as it would be somewhat wrong to fancy my "new brother" But I can not tell you how painful it was - imagine the girl/guy you fancied for like forever in school, daydream about, go to sleep thinkin about, goin red each time they spoke to you etc then suddenly having to live with them, see them every day but as a sibling!I always thought my feelings would go away in time but if anything living with him made it even stronger. Of course I have never or will never make it known my feelings as it would cause a great upset in our family. So there has never been anyone I can speak to about this in my family - only my best friend knows.As soon as I was old enough I moved out of home as I couldnt stand living there, seeing him every day etc. But of course, time would go by and I would date other ppl and think I got over them and try to forgot, but then I would go home every few months to see my family and see him and everything will come flooding back to my and my feelings still there every single time. This has been the ongoing situation and torment for me for the last 6 yrs or so.I have of course dated and been with other men. But this guy was my first "love" or "crush" or whatever....but unlike most people I have never been able to "move on" no matter what I did as he is always goign to be part of my life! He is such an amazing guy also, we have a good relationship and he suspects nothing of my feelings. Now I am NOT obssessed with him or whatever...like I said, I have had relationships with guys - nice guys also! But the problem is every time I see him I am reminded and it comes flooding back to me. I have fancied this guy for about 15 yrs now and no matter what I have done I could never stop fancying him completely.Now he has a new girlfriend. He has never really been a "ladies man" or had many girlfriends etc and this is his first serious one. I have been invited over to the house to have a family dinner as she is going to meet everyone. I can not get out of it and fact is,. I will of course have to eventually meet her.But I an really dreading it. It is going to be very hurtful and painful to see this person I have loved for all these years with someone else. I am not quite sure how to deal with it, but I know it will break my heart even more than it has already been broken. Iknow the day would have come when he would settle with someone.I wish I knew how to get over this! Time hasnt made my feelings go away, even the loveliest boyfriends, trying to make myself feel "sisterly love" or trying to stay away or trying to make my feelings stop. Its quite frustrating and I just dont know what to do anymore. I feel so tormented
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best friend, crush, fell in love, moved out Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2008): Babes, counselling might help with your situation. You are doing nothing wrong, and your feelings are perfectly normal and healthy. But you can't keep holding your feelings in, you need to talk to someone about these strong feelings. Contact relate (marriage guidance) or ask your doctor if you can see someone because this issue is interfering with your life. I'm glad that you came here to Dear Cupid and let your secrets out. But I think you need some extra professional help to deal with these feelings and find some strategies and some ways to deal with this awful situation in which you find yourself. I'm sorry babes, to tell the truth, the biggest issue is his girlfriend, but you can't waste your life waiting, avoiding and hurting, you need and deserve some happiness too.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2008): ok. so thus far u have answers from ppl saying 'if i were in your situation' well congratulations my dear, i am IN your situation, slightly different.
my father and step-mother have been married for three years now, the first time i met my step brother, it was indeed love at first sight, we both knew it. the trouble is, he currently lives halfway across the globe and is 10yrs. my sr. So, for now, seeing as we can't possibly be together in this situation, we are both dating other ppl.
Meeting his girlfriend this past christmas was brutal, all I can tell you is do your best to smile and be friendly, eventho inside, u will want to hit her in the face.Afterall, he is your best friend, and secretly your love correct??
More importantly, you have GOT to talk to him. I know how hard it is to be in the what do i do situation, but i promise he will understand, he might possibly even feel exactly the same as you do. Regaurdless, i promise that no matter what happens you will feel much better after everything is in the open. These feelings have not resolved themselves for a reason, it's only going to get stronger, I can honestly say i know this.
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A
female
reader, Cielo_Alice  +, writes (13 September 2008):
 It's just like that I'm watching "Marmalade Boy"
I agree that he is your step-brother and your not blood related.
Tell him how you feel and see how he reacts. Of course if I was in your shoe I might cry. There's no sin admitting to him that you love him. You could go out just the two of you and talk to him personally.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2008): He's your 'step-brother', you're not really related. I don't see the problem, thing is he's got a girlfriend, don't interrupt.
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