A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:In love with my ex, but I slept with someone else. Here's the story.Long story short, my partner dumped me over 3 months ago now, but we carried on having sex until about a month ago, and now the ex seems to have lost interest in sex with me as they see me as a close friend and we've gone into the 'friend zone', it crushes me as there is very little chance for getting back together or even having the sex again. Every night I cry myself to sleep unbenown to him that the reason is because I miss and love them. We had a fight the other day over them not being able to see me as much lately or whatever but it seemed to get resolved...Then I start talking to someone else as a friend, we started talking, flirted a bit but I was a bit resistant. We met up and me and the other person end up having sex with them initiating it. It was nothing like my ex, the sex wasn't near as good and there was no chemistry. Me and my ex had chemistry and great sex even till the last time a month ago (and only stopped flirting a couple weeks ago and now ex resists flirts). After the other person has left, I felt so disgusted at myself. I feel like I've betrayed my ex like I cheated on them (I know I havent as we're not together but I have the same feeling as if I had cheated). I feel like so wrong for doing this, not just for the ex, but for myself too, I dont even like the person. I just wanted to have someone show interest in me, because the person I love so much rejected me and doesn't want me, as I'm obviously not good enough for them. I feel like I've lowered my self worth even further and cannot forgive myself, and obviously don't want the ex to find out even though they don't want me back as a boyfriend. I wanted to see if it would help me move on (not get over them as I cant see that happening) but it totally back-fired, it's made me realise that I miss my ex even more and how much I love them even more than I thought I did before. But my head is also more messed up than before and I am clearly not ready to try and move on yet.The question is what can I do to sort my head out and rid myself of this guilt for sleeping with someone else? and what should I do in the future? I'm in a bit of a situation as I can't have my ex back.Hope this all made sense. Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2011): i think after any break with ur loved one...u directly get attracted to the person who gives a little of the attention to u...its kinda natural behavior..one do all sort of activities with the person in order to forget the lovely days one had with his ex..and sex is also counted..but its not LOVE nor even INFATUATION... its just like searching a soft corner when one is hurt...
so the question of u betraying ur ex is not true...it was just a step to move on..don't let the guilt over rule you..behave normal as if its not a big deal...engage ur self with ur friends family and work..in short words..get busy...hope it will help u to over come soon
and also best of luck for any other future relationships
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2011): Regardless if you were in a striaght or gay relationship, the worst thing to do is to continue sleeping with that person after you have decided to break up. Having loads of sex with the same partner WILL get you attached to them.If you made the decision to break up, then break up and become cold and distant not turn up the heat in the fire.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2011): you should force yourself to spend time being on your own. eventually your feelings for your ex and the pain will subside. but not if you're constantly trying to substitute your ex with someone else because that keeps you stuck on your ex.
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