A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some help. My ex-boyfriend and I dated for a year and a half and I broke up with him 12 years ago and A LOT was left unresolved and we were both devastated, he was A MESS. I never, ever meant to hurt him but I was 20 years old and confused. I didn't know what I wanted at the time and he was not happy with his life and career and so he couldn't be completely happy with me, so it pushed me away from him. Then he joined the military after I broke up with him, we were still seeing each other and sleeping together and I still loved him but I felt we needed a break and I didn't expect him to up and join the Military! It KILLED ME! So, what I did was, I rebounded, ended up married after dating someone else after 4 months, pregnant and that was the end of that. My exboyfriend found out and was DEVASTATED when he called me after bootcamp and wanted me to join him and get married and found out I was married to someone else AND pregnant! I knew at that moment, newly married and pregnant, that I had made a HUGE mistake and picked the WRONG GUY but there was nothing I could do about it at that point. I NEVER stopped loving him, ever! I often thought of him and hoped he thought of me. He moved on with someone he met while in the Military, I always felt she was a rebound too because he jumped right into it with her after he found out I was married and pregnant and now is married to her and has 3 kids. I have 1 child. I am divorced from my first husband and just got remarried last year to a man I have been with for 9 years. My current husband and I are not completely happy, we have a lot of issues, my husband is also a recovering alchoholic and borderline manic depressive/bi-polar, so, he can be difficult at times to be in a relationship with because he is NOT truly happy with his career and his life and he is up and down like a rollercoaster, we have been through a lot together, plus he has an anger problem that drives me nuts. He has a short fuse, we have had some heated arguments and I know it's not healthy.I am still in love with my ex, I love him dearly, we saw each other TWICE while I was married to my first husband and at that time he was newly married to his wife, which he married because she got pregnant and I knew he still loved me and I still loved him. We didn't sleep together but we kissed and had SO many strong feelings for each other, it was SO sad, we were so hurt because we knew we were with the WRONG people, we wanted to be with each other and we knew it was impossible to be together, he was married, I was married and we lived in different states at the time. Well, briefly last year we got back in contact via the Internet and I could tell he was holding back from getting in contact with me and it was driving me nuts that he wouldn't email me or talk to me and last week we FINALLY started chatting online. He is hesitant with talking to me because I think he is afraid those buried feelings for me are about to be awakened, mine already are, they always have been. I know it's not right, he is married, I am remarried, we both have kids and we live far away from each other but I can't stop thinking about him and pray one day we could be together. We are in our thirties, as we get older, I feel that we are never going to be together. Am I just crazy, what do I do, I can't stop loving him, after 12 years, I still love him and realize he is the ONLY man I was TRULY IN LOVE with and truly want to be with. I love my husband but I do not think I am in love with him. He is great to my child, it's not his child, my child is from my first marriage, so that I believe is the reason I have stayed with him for so long, plus, he financially helps support us. I am so confused and depressed about this, I feel, life is short and if we aren't completely happy then we are not being true to ourselves. I don't want to ruin my marriage or my exboyfriends marriage but I can't help but want to be with him. I don't want to stop talking to him because we finally just got back in touch again after 9 years! I want him in my life, even if it's just as a friend, it's better than nothing. What should I do? Do you think he still loves me? He talked on the phone with me a week ago and constantly talked about the past and how I devastated him and how he is afraid to find out if feelings are still there but I believe they must still be there because I can hear it in his voice when he talks to me, he sounds happy to talk to me, yet confused and sad. I feel alive again talking to him!Please help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): my story is a little different, but can someone comment on it. I was chatting online, my now husband and I met someone else online who was in my hometown. I was still chatting with my (now husband) and was having a relationship with the other guy. Thing was we were perfect for each other, we matched in every way, every taste, every thought, I think he was my soul mate, and so did he. The relationship lasted 2 months, we went our seperate ways. I never told my now husband, about the relationship. But I have always compared my relationship to the other guy. My husband and I get along some days, but most days we fight, or argue. He gets emotional outbursts, and had some few incidences with food. I guess what I can say is, for me I will never know whether I can forget him. I did make a promise to him though, that we will meet when we are old. lol. If I was to meet my ex again, I would not be physical but stay close friends, because more than a bf, he was such a great friend. I dont want to destroy my marriage, I think about my children, and how they deserve a happy home. so I guess these feelings will have to be kept inside, even sometimes it made me cry. I know its like that little bit of freedom you keep locked inside. But only god knows if paths meet, they seperate. and I believe in karma, I never had him in this life, but maybe in the next life, and I will pray for it, and I will work for it in this life. But for now we must be seperate. we must live our lives to the fullest and enjoy each and every day god gave us. God saved me the most, I think when I felt like losing it. You just have to keep going, and maybe if you are meant to be you will meet in the end. I know deep down, I feel he wants to contact me. I know he does, because he has requested to be my friend, and i accepted. But right now, I have to focus on whats more important. My family, my home, and me. I hope this helps. God bless.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): It sounds identical to my story - except I found my exboyfriend's email address on a forwarded email from my cousin - it was 20 years later. i wrote to him and he was very excited to hear from me - we live in different continents now but I went back home and had coffee with him.
He was worried about our significant others but continued to email and once in a while have phone conversations - this lasted 6 years - until he started getting distant ..
not answering emails or laughing at a joke or commenting anymore - when I asked him what's wrong - he said he wanted us to go our own ways and he always has this fear that my husband will find out and it will be terrible for all concerned - he told me not to hammer him with questions as to why etc because he is not going to answer.
I gave him another chance after 20 years - look what he did again ?? I trusted him
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am hoping to hear from him tomorrow when he goes back to work, I sent him two emails, one a little more serious, the other just a basic email, I don't want to screw this up though because we finally just started talking again after so long!
I have his cellphone and he has mine, we called each other twice so far, I thought after all of these years I could turn these feelings off for him, I obviously cannot, I feel that we are both jipping each other out of true happiness by being with other people.
My girlfriend told me, he obviously is not happy because he is still yearning for you, plus, we both rebounded with other people, it's so obvious we still love each other. I will love him forever, that man has never left my heart, ever!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008):
All i'm going to say is that you should go for it. This is what love is, love is enduring. He's feeling it too, but he's also feeling guilty about his situation. But the right thing is to be with you, i mean look at the story, look at the history. I truly believe that some people are just incidental, but sometimes those people are the people you can end up married to and having kids by. you say "it's not right" but to me, it sounds like it is...
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A
female
reader, Cindy303 +, writes (6 April 2008):
 your story is one that sounds all to familar to my own. Please feel free to email me privatly and we can talk if you wish. I know what your going through and I wish you all the best trying to see your way through this. Cindy
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): Now is not the time to resolve unfinished business. If your so easily swayed to someone from the past, then your current relationship (your marriage) also has serious problems, and running off to something familair is not in anyones best interest. I suggest you cut all ties, and you and your mate get professional help and work out any differences and problems you have and make this marriage work. It is apparent you haven't learned much since the old relationship, it seems your repeating mistakes.
Communication of feelings, desires, needs between two people is very important. If your lack these abilities, you will continue to have problems in relationships, which accounts for 90% of all relationships in the world. Realize now and work on it.
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