A
female
age
51-59,
*ost35
writes:I am so frustrated, I like many of you got involved with a married man, and he was my boss. Its so sick the more i think of it. He had told me he was unhappy in his marriage and it had been bad for a long time, well after 6 months of us seeing each other he still wont leave her and now says he has to work it out with her. They don't have children and yet he is glued to her although he says she doesn't make him happy. I don't understand and am so mad that i basically fell in love with him and now am suffering the loss because he up and decided he needed to make it work. Its sick because he fessed up to an affair and she didn't do anything but get mad for a few days. i mean i can't imagine being married and having my husband confessing to an affair and not telling him to get the hell out. She must be so insecure and just likes the fact that he makes tons of money. He says he loves me but is confused. the other day we made love and he burst out crying and freaking out afterwards.....it freaked me out and i felt like such a whore. What i thought was beautiful he freaked out over, and started crying and just made things horrible. I know that he is not mine and since wednesday i have not talked to him. i am trying so hard to just stay away from him. 3 weeks ago i had to quick my job cuz i just couldn't take it anymore i just couldn't handle working for him and being in love with him while he chose to MAKE IT WORK at home, yet we still talked and he would come over and he always pulls me on his lap and hugs me. I hate him for tricking me, for making me think we would have a future together. How do i get over this? How do i refrane from calling him. He has been helping out finacially since he knows i had to leave because of him. And i don't feel bad for it at all. Had he not had tricked me into falling in love with someone i thought was ready to start a future with me it would be different but right now i just have so much anger i just want to call his wife and tell her the real truth, cuz when he fessed up he said that the affair was in june and that the girl moved to Seattle. WHICH NONE OF THAT WAS THE TRUTH. I told him the other day that if he really felt that guilty why wouldn't he tell her the truth and THEN try and make things work and he insisted that he didn't want to hurt her.........how sick, he has hurt me immensly yet wont tell her the truth. I really want to call her and tell her anonyomously about the whole thing. I mean i feel like she deserves to know. but yet i don't think i could possibly do that. How on earth do I get over this hurt and desire to be with him. He is such an asshole and has hurt me many times now. And i am a beautiful woman and i think he just wanted to see what he could still land. What we had was simply amazing and i could see him as my husband. Yet the other day he yelled at me and said "I AM NOT YOURS".......i just wanted to throw up. Any and all advice would be so helpful.signed,angry
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affair, fell in love, insecure, married man, money, my boss, my ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2008): He's "glued" to her honeypie because she is his wife. He made vows to stay with her until death.. To you he has promised nothing.You fell in love with a married man, well that's your mistake. Nobody forced you to do that, and just by being in love and sleeping with him, doesn't force him to have to give up his wife to be with you. Remember he decided to marry her, he wanted to do that. You can't FORCE him to be with you, and you can't get angry that he won't leave her, because he knew her, screwed her and loved her, long before he met you."And i am a beautiful woman ".. nope your not. Because beauty lies in the heart. Your not beautiful enough to steal this married man, and your not more beautiful than the wife he chooses to stay with.. You need to forget about beauty and start working on your brains, which part of "I AM NOT YOURS" didn't you understand.I'm harsh babes because what you have written is disgusting, you sound very selfish because all you think about is YOU, YOU, YOU... you had sex and slept with a man that was married. You knew he loved his wife, but you didn't care, because your so "beautiful" you was convinced he must love you. You started planing a wedding with no thought to his wife and his family, but you didn't care, this guy has money , he gives it to you, you want to get married and this is the guy that you choose.His pain over sleeping with you, his wife's pain for having a man that would cheat on her... NOT YOUR PROBLEM.. because you are "beautiful" he should choose you, and if he doesn't you will make him and his wife suffer. You'll call her and tell her about the affair, you have it all planned out. If she knows that he's sleeping with you, then she has no choice, she has to give him over to you...YOU, YOU, YOU....The man aint stupid, there is no way on earth he will leave his lovely wife for a selfish, manipulative woman like you. He's told you already, there is no competition, she is worth a thousand of dolly birds like you. You can't make him happy, he will never marry you, because you don't care who you hurt as long as YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU are happy....Don't worry babes, I know this man has realized that he has made a very big mistake, even if you phone his wife, you can't break up this marriage and have him. He has come to his senses and realised he nearly threw away the best thing in his life for a beautiful girl who only cares about ME, ME, ME...This relationship is over, go and find another married man to steal and to spend his money on you.Your married guy didn't trick you, he didn't lie to you, you knew he was married. Come on, I'm single, I could never, ever be as cheap as to go out with a married man, when I know that I might be hurting his wife. That's not a nice thing to do. You take his money and then you cry, why, you got money. Personally, I couldn't take a man's money when I know he should be spending it on his wife, but that's just me. I don't do triangles.Your silly if you think just by you being their will make them divorce. You can call her if you want to, you can try and make her cry. But at the end of the day it won't change anything. He loves her a hell of a lot more than he loves you. He decides to stay with her, and I would like to bet your the first and last affair that he ever has. After being with such an angry woman, he must go home and be kissing his wife and thanking his lucky stars that he is married to her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2008): I feel your pain because Im in the same situation, even worse because he has kids and we went out for almost 2 years and its really hard to see him everyday and knowing that he is working it out. I cant quit because I havent found anything,but I do snap at him because Im so angry. Plus he still flirts with me, I lost weight and I feel depressed Im praying to get a new job to close this chapter.I try to keep professional only. Try stay away from him thats the only way you will get over,I can say is easy but we made that stupid decision to get involved with a married man now we have to pay the suffering,the worse its that the men are happy or act like they are while we suffer, but I believe in karma and there will be a day that they will get what they deserve.
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A
female
reader, algardenmom +, writes (30 November 2008):
Angry,
Your boyfriend and his wife said vows together that encompasses for better or for worse. They are going through the "for worse" right now. You state concern about his wife's insecurity, but in reality you have got to work on your own. This man has made his choice. He has chosen his wife, and yet you are still trying to hold on to someone who is putting another person before you. You need to cry this out and move on. Find a new job and cut him off completely before he hires the next employee/ girlfriend and does it for you. He is not telling his wife the whole truth, because he knows her and how much she will take and still keep him. It isn't your place to tell her the whole truth and even if you do share this information with her, you will not feel better, it will not be easier and you still will not get the man. Further, you may be setting yourself up for further hurt, because he may not be telling you the whole truth either.
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